At least in the old days the ref was safe!

This week resident expert Ger Manas recalls his memories of schools football and wonders if it’s the same game at all.

I was invited along there to speak to one of them McRory Cup schools to talk to the young lads about my experiences in football down the years and to give them bits of useful advice. I was told not to let on which school it was in case they would all be looking me. Not that I have a problem with that. It’s funny nowadays the way young lads is coached and trained. These buckos were sittin’ in a lecture theatre – they were bigger than I remember cubs a few years back and they were all gluggin’ away on big bottles of water or that Lucozade sport shite. The dentist toul me not to be drinking that cos number one it was rottin’ me teeth – what teeth I have that is – and also I was getting’ a fierce oul gut on me and I’d been off the drink. The granddaughter’s friend is one of the nutritionists and she was tellin’ me that a youngster drinking that stuff and doing no exercise can put on a couple of poun’ a week thanks to all the carbohydrate in it. If I see the grandsons drinking any of them things now I would give them a boot in the hole and tell them to drink water. Was good enough for me da and it’s good enough for me.

Anyway these lads – them all f***in long legs, big forearms, the hair all cut up short and shining with brylcreem or whatever shite they puts on it nowadays were louchin’ about. They looked like they’d been sponsored by a white trainer company – every man wearing an O’ Neills shirt of one sort or another – the club, the school, one of the Universities you name it. Pile of county development lads, county minors – the odd gobshite that I knew by the look of him would maybe be lucky to be the water boy. The more I chatted to them the more I thought it’s me should be doing the listenin’ here.

They started asking me about burnout and I told them I thought is was a load of shite if fellas had the balls and the wit to tell coaches and mangers they wouldn’t be doing all they were lookin’ them to do. You wanna see the manager fella lookin’ at me. I think he was the bad cop in the good bad routine. He wasn’t too happy that I had maybe suggested that lads shouldn’t be doing all the manager might want them to do but when you think about it players operate on different cycles and unless ye understand that ye are wasting yer time. Take the Derry minor lads, they require a different approach when they report back to Maghera or wherever than a few lads that’s been sittin’ on their hole since the league ended. I remember the da of a player that had won an all Ireland minor med a few years back telling me that he and another lad had asked the school McRory manager for two weeks off as they were knackered and wanted to enjoy their win. Not a f***in bit of it, yer man had them running the roads along with a load of other boys till the lights went out- the lads eyes the da said were like black coals in his face and after that he kept pickin’ up injuries here and there. Nothin’ serious you understand but enough to rule him out of playin’.

I was chattin’ later to a couple of fellas that played McRory way back in the eighties and it brought me mind back to some of the goin’s on then. At the time I had done a bit of work with a McLarnon team in Donegal and we played these lads in a friendly. Turned out the match had been set up as a morale raiser before some do or die f***in clash in the McRory – you know the sort – and our boys were the lambs for the slaughter. The other team had been playin’ dung and their manager thought cannon fodder would be the remedy. Well you could nearly predict what happened. At half time the McLarnon school was batin’ the McRory school and their lads started to take it a bit thick. The ref for the second half was a civil big lump of a PE teacher from the McRory school and at one stage he sent one of his own players off and then toul him: ‘OK ye can stay on but don’t do it again….’ Course yer man does do it again but nothin’ happens. Next thing on a kick out the McLarnon school lads bursts the big midfielder from the other school and a boxin session breaks out. Well the big midfielder lad had done a bit of oul boxin’ in his day and he lines up three boys in a row and wham – bam bursts the whole lot of them right on the nose on after another. Next thing, the first lad made a go to tackle him from behind – now at this stage you understand both sets of subs and supporters and all were tearin’ in for a piece of the action, twas great craic boys getting an afternoon out of school for this. Seeing the lad about to level his team-mate from behind, the other midfielder runs up behind this young lad and takes off and kicks him as hard as he could in the hole. Well, that was the end of the row – everyone started laughing and the oul ref you never seen a man as happy to blow a whistle.

I dunno if things like that happen much anymore at schools matches. I know the lads from both schools in my day got a quare bollockin’ and were well warned. But sure ye have to do these things from time to time. When I told the lads I was talking to the other day about this story – they looked confused – it was as if I was from another planet and another time – and I suppose in a way I was.

This was a first-class performance by the Northern ladies who will move up to Division Two in 2010. There was a mix-up with the scoreboard in the final quarter, but both teams agreed with referee Joe Kennedy’s tally following a nail-biting finish.

Down, after playing with the wind in the opening half held a 0-7 to 1-1 lead at the changeover, but with Laois emerging strong in the second half they had their work cut out. The Laois goal from Sarah Cuddy put her team in a formidable position at the break.

However, Catherine McGourty brought her A-game, chipping in with a massive 11 points tally (four from play), and with centre back Lisa McCrickard and full back Fionnuala Carr rock solid, they withstood the pressure when the O’Moore County rallied with a second green flag from Sarah Ann Fitzgerald.

Meanwhile, Kildare won promotion to Division Three following their 3-7 to 1-10 Division Four victory over Westmeath in the curtain-raiser also at Donaghmore Ashbourne.

President Joan O’Flynn had to contend with her big match day nerves before presenting her first trophy of the year to her adopted county. Westmeath came into the decider with a win over the Lilywhites earlier in the league, but in a keen contest, Kildare managed to hold out for their three point triumph despite intense pressure in the closing 10 minutes.

Kildare got off the mark with three first half goals that yielded them a 3-4 to 0-4 interval lead. The impressive Susie O’Carroll at wing forward, Ciara Tallon and Cliona McSweeney, they all found the target in the 2nd, 15th and 25th minute. While the forward line was on target up front, the Kildare defence was staunch, in particular the experienced Melanie and Reitin Treacy and Niamh Breen in the corner.

However, a goal from Joanne Walsh six minutes after the restart put Westmeath right back in contention and with Dinagh Loughlin in fine point scoring form the Lake County set about reducing the margin.

O’Carroll scored Kildare’s final point on 50 minutes, and for the remainder of the game goalkeeper Tanya Johnson and her rearguard had to withstand huge pressure as Westmeath closed the gap to three. But, Kildare held out for the trophy in a tight finish.

Looking back over Liz’s period in the hotseat, it has been interesting to say the least, with a few curious outbursts. Readers of Talking Balls will recall her giving the local broadcasters a good caning over their coverage of foreign sports whilst all the while failing to broadcast mna na hEireann ag imirt.

Liz’s time in charge also included a curious demonstration at the All Stars last year where a troupe of semi-naked men with man boobs drummed furiously up on the stage, as the All Star award winners looked on, slightly bemused. At the same awards ceremony some of the unsuccessful nominees were a little disappointed at the absence of the usual kitbag of gear – that despite requests from the organizers that they provide their sizes in advance.

It has long been a bugbear of Talking Balls that camogie suffers in comparison to Ladies football. Talking Balls prefers camogie to the peile every time, but you have to hand it to the ladies footballers – they really have their hands on the big balls when it comes to PR and television coverage. One experienced TV exec told us: “Camogie needs to look at the way its presented, take a look at other games and sex itself up a bit to remove some of the starch.”

One of the motions to the CamogieCongress highlights the perception problems that camogie has with itself. The motion put forward by Ard Comhairle proposes that “every club affiliated to Cumann Camógaíochta na nGael is required to purchase two adult tickets for the All Ireland Camogie finals in Croke Park.”

This is a particularly camogie-esque approach to marketing their own game – not for them the intention to market the occasion as an irresistible and ‘must see’ occasion for camogiers the length and breadth of the country. Instead, we have this ridiculous school-marmish Thatcheresque dictat.

The other matter of note is the inauguration of new uachtaran Joan O’Flynn of Kildare (originally from Cork). Ahead of the weekend’s clár, craic, ceoil agus cúirtéireacht, Joan commented, “I am honoured and excited to lead Cumann Camógaíochta na nGael for the next three years. Camogie is a thrilling and exciting game. . . We want to build on the progress already made. I want to develop our thriving club scene and expand playing opportunities for players of all ages and abilities.”

Indeed. It’s a long way from Tipperary, but we’ll see what happens.