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Circling over Casement Park, Belfast

Media friendly and ever talkative Antrim chairman Dr John McSparran has said it is unlikely that Casement Park will host a glamourous soccer tie between West Belfast outfit Donegal Celtic and Glasgow Celtic later this month. 

The Glasgow team were originally pencilled in to play against East Belfast side Glentoran but apparently after some feedback from fans on the ground in Belfast (ahem) this was considered not the brightest idea. So instead the Hoops will play the local Celtic side - maybe the hotels, ferries and so were already booked - we dunno.

Problem is Donegal Celtic’s ground of Suffolk Road can only hold about 2000 spectators - roughly the attendance of last week’s hurling qualifier between Antrim and Galway which was played at Casement. Apparently officials of the Belfast club haven’t completely given up on the idea of Casement Park being made available to them. They must be breeding flying pigs, riding about on Shergar or maybe they’ve found a consignment of hen’s teeth because this ain’t happenin’ lads.

The good doctor, McSparran, isn’t personally against soccer being played in Casement but he quoted Rule 42 and the fact the rule change only related to Croke Park.

He said: “The matter would have to be referred to Congress or Special Congress, so I think Glasgow Celtic playing at Casement Park would be a non-starter. It’s ironic that Casement Park could hold a concert tomorrow, but not a soccer match. That’s just the way things are.” It’s also ironic that it was used a couple of years back to hold a political event that raised a few eyebrows but sure that’s just the way things are.

Talking Balls has the solution as usual.  Donegal Celtic could offer Suffolk Road to the Antrim Co Board for their Championship matches - they would just about fill it no bother. In return, Donegal Celtic would have the use of Casement - they would lift massive gate receipts and in a double whammy that would really annoy the pea brains and bigots that had them ejected from the Irish League, they would instantly have the best stadium in pathetic Irish League soccer. Now that would say ‘up yours’ in no uncertain terms. In fact in a way that the great Sir Roger Casement himself would be proud of.

Everything’s a bit of a blur for Bertie these days isn’t it?

Bertie Ahern TD took time out from his many other activities to personally launch the TG4 2008 Ladies Football Championships.

Sez Bertie with words that could have been used to describe his own political career: “The road to success is mapped with hard work - there will be days that will test the character of all involved, when physical and mental toughness will be required in abundance.”

The TG4 Championships will be competed across the three grades established in 2007; senior, Intermediate and junior. The Senior Championship has been restructured for 2008 with the introduction of a qualifier system for those knocked out of the provincial championships at an early stage. The provincial winners will enter the All Ireland series of the Championship at the quarter-final stage while the provincial runners-up will go into the second round of qualifiers.

TG4 will broadcast two live games each weekend from 27th July all the way through to the All Ireland finals. They will air a total of 17 live games during the All Ireland series culminating in a finals triple bill at GAA headquarters on Sunday 28th September. The All Ireland Minor final will be televised for the very first time as part of a double bill with a Round 1 Senior Championship qualifier.

The two Intermediate Championship semi-finals will also be broadcast live on TG4 and all of the televised games will be streamed live on www.tg4.ie.

According to their own blurb, Ladies Football is the largest female team participation sport in the country with over 130,000 registered members in 1000 clubs around the country. Last year over 26,000 people attended the All Ireland finals in Croke Park while 267,000 tuned into the games live on TG4.

It is not known whether the good people from Cumann Camógaíochta na nGael were looking as their sisters announce another summer of bumper coverage for the game with the bigger balls.

Cul Camps - how much are you prepared to pay?

It has emerged that there is a considerable differential in the cost of sending your child to one of the GAA’s official VHI Cul Camps depending on where you live. For the uninitiated, the Cul Camps are adminstered through the county boards. Each participant - aged from 7 to 13 years of age, gets five days’ intensive coaching in hurling and football, a full Cul Camps strip, water bottle and rucksack.

In return for handing over the fee, the parents get five days without their lovely children so they can cut the grass, get their hair done, go shopping, have an affair - whatever it is they do with a bit of spare time on their hands. Some may even go and give a hand at the camps.

However this time around there is a considerable difference in sending your child to a camp in the likes of Derry or Tyrone - where it costs £30 or €38 as opposed to €70 in Mayo or €65 in Sligo. It’s not as if the coaching will be any the better over in Connacht like?

Jimmy O’Dwyer, national coordinator of the programme, attributes the price difference to various factors, including the relative strength of sterling versus the euro, and British Government funding of sport at local level.

He said: “Those are certainly factors influencing the prices. We have set down guidelines regarding prices - for instance, we don’t want kids to be charged as much as €100 and in fairness to all the counties involved, none of them are near that figure. The cost of the Cul camps are determined at county level by the county boards involved, but they’re all cognisant of the costs involved, and we’re working hard to bring those costs down. Many counties are offering reduced prices if one or more children from the same family sign up together, for example.”

The good news is that the Cul Camps are cheaper than rival schemes run by the IRFU and FAI which each apparently charge €99. It’s also better than having the children run riot for a week - drinking, smoking and taking drugs and whatever other badness they might like to get up to on a hot summer’s day.

Etihad Airways Camogs - ready for the long haul

Here we begin an occasional series in Talking Balls focusing on the offerings of each of the Championship Sponsors. This week, first up is Etihad Airways - sponsor of the GAA All Ireland Hurling Championship.

Probably the sponsor raising the most eyebrows when the new tripartide Hurling Championship deal was announced was the inclusion of Etihad Airways - National airline of the UAE - the only carrier flying directly from Ireland to the Gulf.

“Yerra, what have a bunch of them Arabs got to do wit de All Ireland hurling Championship” was the query through tight Sweet Afton clenched lips in some of  Munster’s deepest hurling strongholds. Already sponsors of Chelseas, London Harlequins and the Ferrari F1 team, Etihad certainly seem to choose their branding partners carefully. Certainly from the GAA perspective it is a great coup to have such a internationally profiled corporate partner on-board. About hurling the Etihad website says:

Hurling is a game similar to hockey, in that it is played with a small ball and a curved wooden stick. It is Europe’s oldest field game. When the Celts came to Ireland as the last ice age was receding, they brought with them a unique culture, their own language, music, script and unique pastimes. One of these pastimes was a game now called hurling. It features in Irish folklore to illustrate the deeds of heroic mystical figures and it is chronicled as a distinct Irish pastime for at least 2,000 years.

To explain this for the local folks over in the UAE we asked a Professor of Codology at one of Ireland’s leading universities to pen a short explanation:

“Ah yes - the ice retreated leaving behind the flat lands of the central plains of Southern Ireland. From their ball-freezing hovels the natives emerged - stick and ball in hand. ‘Well bayi, you ready for some hoorling?’ was apparently the first word spoken by these early shower of Celts.

“Indeed - a unique language - that would be Micheál Ó Muicheartaigh. Music - that would surely be the Sunday Game theme - Da,na, na, na, na, naa. Da na na na na naH. Dah, Dah Dah, dah da na na. . . you know the ditty?

“As for Script, that would be the scrawled teamsheets and the referee’s report - “I observed No 5 from Pearses striking No 12 from Sarsfields with his hurley. A melee ensued - it was not possible to identify individual culprits thereafter. . .”  and unique past-times - that has to be Championship Sundays, trips to the CAC and the DRA and the unique habit of hangin’ over the wire at matches giving colourful comment on all that pass this way and that on the field of play.”

Mr James Hogan, Etihad Airways’ chief executive, said: “In less than a year Etihad Airways has developed a strong affinity with Ireland, with Dublin quickly establishing itself as one of our most popular routes. We are very proud to begin this partnership with the Gaelic Athletic Association and look forward to contributing further to the Irish market which has supported our airline so enthusiastically since we started flying to Dublin in July 2007.”

Next time we take a look at the risible goings on of Toyota’s ‘Meet Mike’ - the worst thing to happen the GAA since the Irish News published Donny’s Diary. We’d rather not thanks. . . but the things we have to do in the name of Talking Balls. . .

Ned Kelly - inspirational skipper of Bush Rangers GAC - highjacker, outlaw and GAA fan

News has emerged from Donegal know-it-all Martin McHugh that a full-time paid GAA official is assisting Aussie Rules player agent Ricky Nixon in his plans to set up a scouting network in Ireland.

There are fears that this will prompt a mass exodus of top young players to the AFL in the coming months. As Nixon prepares to holds trials in either Belfast or Dublin next month, Gerald Sholly - an agent for Carlton Blues - is holding a trial in Cookstown, Co. Tyrone on Friday, and some of the brightest prospects on the Ulster GAA scene are expected to attend.

The identity of the individuals assisting Nixon has remained a mystery, and McHugh has called on him to come out and name ‘his men’: “I have been told that one of his agents is a GAA employee and others are ex-footballers who are involved in coaching. These people to me should come out and say what they are at. It seems to be all about money. He (Nixon) will take about 15 players over there and if two make it he’s happy. What about the other 13?”

We shouldn’t be surprised at the Aussie scouts coming over here. After all as a nation they have a fine tradition of bandits and highwaymen and outlaws that highjacked, robbed and wreaked havoc throughout Australia - taking what wasn’t theirs and showing scant regard for the authorities. At least a bushranger wore a mask or - in the legendary Ned Kelly’s case  -a metal helmet. Interestingly reports in Oz suggested that the boul Ned was a teak tough fullback for the famous Bush Rangers GAC.

The Golden Boots - ball greedy and ready to score

Ladies football, Puma and the Sunday Independent have come together to launch the new and improved Golden Boot Competition for this season’s Senior Championship. The new deal means each week the Sunday Indo will publish details on the vital statistics of the week’s Golden Boot - how often she scored, who with and so on. Sounds deadly altogether.

There will be eight weekly winners announced in the Sunday Independent during the Championship. Each weekly winner will receive a pair of Puma’s new King boots, relaunched and restyled to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the Puma King.

The biggest Boot for the season will be announced on 12 October along with the players in second and third place. Each will receive a specially commissioned Golden Boot trophy at a ceremony in GAA Headquarters and a load of Puma sportswear.

Geraldine Giles, Uactaran Peil Gael na mBan, said, “The Golden Boot Award proved extremely popular in 2007 and this year we are delighted to welcome the support of the Sunday Independent and Puma. It is a great thing to be able to recognise outstanding individual performances and this award has become a much coveted prize in a short space of time.”

In 2007, 158 players registered scores in the Senior Championship, from the group stages to the final, but this year every score recorded in the Championship counts towards the player’s overall Championship tally in 2008. This includes Provincial Championship games and Championship qualifiers.

Last year, Mayo’s Cora Staunton won the inaugural Ladies Football Golden Boot Award with an impressive tally of 58 points (4-46). Cork’s Valerie Mulcahy came second with 40 points (9-13) and Tyrone’s Gemma Begley was third on 38 points (7-17). An updated top ten scorers table will be printed in the Sunday Independent each Sunday from 27th July and a full list of Championship scorers will be available online at www.ladiesgaelic.ie.

Who’s gonna rise to the occasion? More importantly - Who’s not?

In most counties round the country the Championships are well underway. The familiar smell of wintergreen, rubs, returning heroes and former glories. Resident Expert Ger Manas casts a quizzical eye over some of the antics he’s come across.

I heard yer man Paddy Heaney from the Irish News tell the story recently how Enda Gormley coached the Glen Maghera Under 14s over thonder in Derry to a Feile title by playin’ with a sweeper back. Another fella was telling me how a few years back Tony Scullion took a Ballinascreen minor team to a Championship. To do it he invited every single player on the team to come and meet him in his house for one to one meetings - when he got them there he got every one of them to tell him what they would contribute and in turn he toul them what he expected of them. My only worry if I done that would be there’s a couple of fellas ye’d end up rootin’ them in the hole and telling them to get te f**k out of it. As well as that there’s a cub that’s been hangin’ round the place chasin after my neice - kindest way to describe him would be like some oul hound-dog in heat. Last thing I want to do is be encouraging that hoor to be about the house.

Come the Championship - sometimes when you’re taking a team the pressure’s unreal. There’s a good buddy of mine takes a team now, and before every game he has to sleep for a couple of hours before the game. He feels like pukin’ the whole day of the game. Once he gets to the ground and that he’s grand but before it he’s not great now to be honest. I was with him once giving him a hand and he was bokin’ and coughin’ - I thought he was gonna f**kin die on me. Come the throw in tho’ he was like the f**kin ice man. Tactics, motivation - you name it he had it. Deadly stuff altogether.

Yer always looking for the wee bits of things make the difference - train them harder, make them run faster. Be tougher; more physical. Tactical innovation, wee tricks. Sure at the end of the day - they’re players and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Players cross the white line and they either play or they don’t. They don’t play for you though - that’s the easiest mistake to make. They do things for their own reasons and ye never know until the ball throws in whether they’ll let ye down or not. To be honest ye know from training and coaching the ones that will do the business on the big day or not. The ones that cut the corners in drills, the ones that have excuses to miss training, the ones that have excuses to come late or leave early. Sometimes you go with players and they let you down. That’s the worst.

Used to drive me f**kin’ crazy - not any more. The wife was for roadin’ me. “What is it about their time that they think it’s more important than mine” I’d be gulderin’ like blue f**k at the first person I met in our house. The wife might have the priest in or some of the stuck up oul bitches from the mothers and toddlers she helps with. I think they think I’m a f**kin looper but I’ll tell ye there’s one of them wouldn’t be long getting’ my toe up her hole if she gives me a sanctimonious look again. Ever since she said ‘Shouting doesn’t help Ger, evidently.’ Evidently? Evidently? Jaze I can feel the pressure rising talking to her. Back to the players. Ye find the ones that let ye down don’t really give a shite about the team. They’re only concerned about themselves. They don’t see the whole team picture. They are selfish and really ye might as well be dealing with the Under 8 team to be honest about it.

I love the player that steps to the plate come championship. The one who knows this is it - this is their day and their time. They take the slaps and get up and play on. They ride the challenges, they know when to roll the dice and when to hold their hand. The cast a cold eye on life on the pitch and they know who’s gonna thrive and who’s gonna die out there. They’re cool, passionate, controlled, aggressive, the full package, the real deal. They usually come across some wise ass wants to fill them in and usually they get a brave skelp or two. They put the bluffer that cuts the corner to shame. They deserve respect and awe and admiration and if any of thems reading this they’ll know who I mean. The bluffers - they wouldn’t recognise the face I see in their own mirror.

The difficult thing for managers too is if ye win - ye’re a great fella altogether. If ye make the right changes things are deadly. But if ye get bate - every hoor in the country can blame ye and point the finger however they want. That’s life I suppose and it’s what ye sign up for. The thing about it is I suppose to walk away when you think it’s right and sometimes I could kick myself - I think I’ve hung around places too long.

Championship preparation - Bulgarian weighlifting

There was one fella managed a team up in Derry - he was a bit of a legend about theclub. Anyway he decided the boys weren’t hardly enough and weights were still a bit new fangled them days but he decided that weight training was gonna be a central part of the regime so off he f**ks up to an auction in Belfast. There he got himself a set of dead weights for the club the likes would have done the entire Bulgarian Olympic Weight liftin’ team. Ye know the boys I mean? They’re wiry wee c***s could lift a Ford Transit van above their head and them wearing one of the them slingshot things that looks way to tight round the balls and backside for my liking - the chafin must be shockin’- and you near able to see the veins. Anyway our fella load the weights into the oul van - them that heavy they near went through the floor.

He lands back up to the club and arranges a tribe of fellas to give him a hand in. Took ages to lift the things in but they managed it whatever. That night at training he gathers the fellas into training and points at the weights. Sez he: “Lads we might win f***all in the championship this year and we might only win a whean of league games but I’ll tell youse boys wan thing. By the end of the season - every single wan of you’uns will be able to lift every single one of them weights. D’ye f***in understand?”

Was he right? F***in right he was. They nearly got relegated, they got bate first round in the Championship and at the end of the year every single one of the players that were still out playing gave him a hand to lift the weights back into the van to take them back up the road, back to the auctioneer to be sold.

That’s the Championship mentality. Winners, losers - draws out something from everybody.

The Ógie has landed - Donal Óg Cusack and Jerry Wallace touch down in Fermanagh

Galway’s victory of Antrim on Saturday at Casement was definitely not organised as part of the much publicised GPA scheme to twin established hurling superpowers with so called weaker counties. In the week that saw Jamesie O’Connor take a session with the Louth hurlers and Donal Óg Cusack coach in Fermanagh, Saturday evening’s events underlined the gulf in class that exists at the highest level.

Put as simply as this - Galway are All Ireland contenders: Antrim are not. Put even more simply - no-one other than Antrim seem to be in the slightest bit interested in creating the conditions for the Antrim county team to improve and become competitive at the highest level.

Meanwhile,as Cork Ledge Donal Óg Cusack lent a hand in coaching the Fermanagh senior hurling team, ‘keeper Ger McNally evidently thought the exercise was worthwhile:

“They showed us drills for players in all areas of the field. I’m a goalkeeper myself, so Donal gave me a few drills specific to my position as well. It was a great day all round, particularly as there were loads of kids around for the session. The county board in Fermanagh is doing great work to bring hurling on in the county, and a day like Saturday can only help in that regard — we’ll be trying to build on that for the future.”

For his part, Donal Óg Cusack was very happy with how the day went. He and Jerry Wallace flew by helicopter from the Castleknock Golf and County Club to Lissan, but the real highlight for the goalkeeper came on the ground in the Erne County.

“It went really well,” said Cusack. “We had a good training session on the field and a very good question-and-answer session afterwards as well. I think it can only be a positive development for hurling — the lads in Fermanagh were well up for it and the whole day was very well supported by their county board as well. Already they’re looking for contacts for clubs down in Cork, and if there were links between clubs in the two counties for coaching and underage challenge matches and so on, it can only improve things in Fermanagh, and that can only be good for hurling.”

Fair play to the GPA and Halifax for organising the scheme. At least they’re showing some interest. Elsewhere, there doesn’t seem to be the will or the way.

Croke Park fifteen minutes before throw-in

Sunday’s game between Dublin and Westmeath was delayed by fifteen minutes. Surprise, surprise. What is it about Dublin supporters that they can’t make their way to the game on time? Just as well the Dubs don’t have to travel outside the city too often come championship time. And the cause of the latest delay? According to Croke Park:

“The GAA wish to point out that the decision to delay the throw-in time to the game between Dublin and Westmeath at Croke Park yesterday was taken in consultation with An Garda Síochána due to health and safety concerns, as only a fraction of the anticipated attendance were in the stadium twenty minutes before the scheduled throw-in time of 2pm.”

“In such circumstances, the GAA, while reluctant to delay starting times, recognise that the health and safety of patrons attending its games is of paramount importance and the decision to delay the throw in time was taken on this basis.”

Meanwhile Croke Park stadium director Peter McKenna has said fans turning up late show disrespect to both counties competing.

“Both teams have their schedule for the day planned out to the last minute. Then shortly before throw-in, they are told that there is a 15-minute delay. It is both disrespectful and disruptive.” He did rule out locking the gates to teach latecomers a lesson or asking pubs to close.

Meanwhile, Dublin chairman Gerry Harrington said he would like to see games at Croke Park begin on time regardless of the number of supporters in the venue prior to throw-in.  “My fear now is that, after yesterday, fans will be tempted to say in future ’ah, they’ll put it off by 15 minutes anyway’ If you start the game in time, it might send out a message. I don’t like games being delayed but I accept it is a hard one to call.”

Only in the GAA.

Yes, Galvin, breaking his rocks in the hot sun as the Kingdom continue their quest for 3-in-a Row. Did the crime so it looks like he’s doing the time.

For his petulant slap at Paddy Russell’s notebook last Sunday week, when the Kerry mist came down, Galvin is gazing over the precipice into a six months’ suspension as the Central Hearings Committee upheld the proposed six month ban.  The Appeals Committee showed no mercy, so as Al Pacino might say, ‘We’re in hell right now.’ This one looks like its going all the way to the DRA.

So if Paul Galvin does have to serve his six months, what can he look forward to? Will he play it canny like Andy Dufresne in the Shawshank, quietly biding his time before spectacularly turning the tables. Will he do a Cool Hand Luke, quietly hum that ditty Plastic Jesus, ate boiled eggs and rage, rage against the machine?

Whatever way he plays it, as we said last time around the summer will be a quieter place without Galvin. His last hope is that the likes of Feargal Logan can pull another rabbit out of the DRA Hat.

Let’s hear it now, Talking Balls says - Free the Kerry One!! Should he serve the time or should he be allowed to lead the line. All the bores, experts, pundits and bluffers have had their say - so let us know what you think. Do you think these fellas get away with too much? If he’d been a Leitrim sub would he have got the same punishment? Does he deserve every minute of his suspension? Do you feel sorry for him? Do you give a s***e? Get it off your chest here!