Aug 05

Wilde Hanlon offers New Service for Tourists

Talking Balls Comments

Wilde Hanlon's target market.
From April 13 2007. The behaviour of supporters has always been fertile ground for the craic and imagination. The name ‘Wilde Hanlon’ owed its origins to friend of ours who frequently uses the term to describe  the chaotic scenes found at club games the length and breadth of the country when a row starts. A version of this piece subsequently appeared in an All Ireland series match programme at Croke Park.

On the back of reports last summer that the GAA was seriously under-exploiting the tourist potential of ‘our national games’, Talking Balls is proud to announce its association with an exciting new venture designed to make the whole operation more accessible to non-national would-be GAA fans. In association with Wilde Hanlon Enterprises a new tourist support scheme has been revealed. Initially offering four distinct packages designed to cater for all sorts of fans, the scheme is simplicity itself in its construction and execution.

For a predetermined fee, Wilde Hanlon will match the tourist up with an established GAA supporter who will give him or her an authentic matchday experience. The four packages available are as follows.

The dispassionate and objective expert: usually a spectator with a minimum of some club management experience, the dispassionate expert will offer incisive and insightful analysis as the game progresses. There will be no partisanship or raised voices and the expert will provide the non-national with tasty technical morsels, demonstrating where any given ball should be played at any given time. As part of this package, a flask of tea and ham sandwiches will be provided.

The supporter in the know: a spectator with ‘inside knowledge’ of the team particularly who has been breaking the drink ban, who has been courtin’ the manager’s daughter or the full back’s fiancé and crucially when the mercurial injured midfielder will return to the fray. Typically he/she will either have a clubmate or relative on the panel but will remain coy about specifics. Packages are currently available for Donegal and Roscommon football, and Offaly and Derry hurling games.

The shirt tugger – for female or gay fans. This supporter unashamedly follows the GAA to pull, and is happy to escort likeminded males or females to the ground. Will use any means to get access to the players and will flirt shamelessly with any player in a county shirt – married, divorced, engaged, straight or gay. A warning to tourists- they should not offer any realistic competition to the shirt tugger – rather they should target, chase and catch their own players. Satisfaction almost guaranteed.

The awful hoor altogether: this premium level accompaniment guarantees an eventful day out fuelled by many litres of beer. The pre-match period will be spent in the environs of one of the closest pubs to the ground. During the match itself the awful hoor altogether is guaranteed to provide a stream of vitriol, abuse and invective at the referee, opponents, opposing supporters not to mention under-performing members of his own team. Sure to be first over the wire in the event of a row, the awful hoor altogether promises a genuine GAA experience.

It is anticipated that other categories of support will be provided for in due course. For further details contact www.wilde-hanlon.com or email Talking Balls for the usual level of response.