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From April 13 2007. Back in the early days Talking Balls Resident was none other than Ger Manas. Ger hit many’s a target in his time. Women’s skorts, sports bras, prima donnas, fellas who thought they knew better than the manager – he ruffled a few feathers and tossed a few barns in his time. And he hasn’t gone away you know, he’s only taking a break.

In this week’s column, Talking Balls resident expert Ger Manas looks at a subject not dear to his heart, GAA fashion. With jerseys getting gaudier and shirt designers losing more and more sense of taste, Ger applauds that timeless design classic – the camogie skirt.

I was down in Castlebar there on Sunday giving me oul friend from Mayo John O’Mahoney a hand for the match against the Dubs (I had to tell Ger Loughnane I’d see him again). Now I wouldn’t share big John’s politics but I’ll tell you he can fair give an oul’ half-time team talk. He says to me before the game, ‘Ger, tear you on there, I’ll say nothing till we get to half time.’ Well, I toul them boys a few home truths about the Dubs and that Pillar Caffrey strutting about thunder as if he was on traffic duty or guarding a love Ulster rally. ‘Remember,’ sez I, ‘the way they jundeyed your physio in Croke Park and the way Pillar dozed into John Morrison.’ ‘Morrison deserved it,’ says Mortimer – I think it was. I laid it on straight ‘There’ll be no f***in jundeyin the day unless it’s by a Mayo man.’ I was disappointed with the reaction of the boys now I have to say in the first half.

Well you wanta have heard O’Mahony at half time. He could have been in the Dail already tackling Bertie about the Tribunal or shaking hands with Big Paisley or something. Jaze, he quoted Parnell, Nelson Mandela, Maya Angelus, Al Pacino and General Patton. He produced every losing medal Mayo ever won and by jasus it worked. There’s a tear in my eye now thinking about it – I know my blood was up at the time. I was still pumpin’ when I got home that evenin’. But, Jaze, the blood pressure was bad enough without the scene I saw when I got in.

The niece’s daughter plays half forward for our camogie team. She’s a great girl, strong on both sides – great wrists. Well, her and a few of the girls were in our house – they’d had delivered from them O’Neills a batch of these red yokes – ’skorts’ I think they call them – the girls wanted them she said. Well jaze I’ll tell you, I never seen a more obscene and revealing sight like it in my life and if that’s what camogie’s coming to I’ll be jackin it. These jobs are like a cross between them hotpants Twiggy used to wear when I was about in the sixties and a belt.

You want to see that for a sight. As tight as a nut round the backside and I swear to all and holy, they couldn’t show more of their thigh off if they were wearing nothing down below. That fake sunburn stuff they all wear makes it worse. I asked her what was wrong with them pleated skirts that come down round the knee – they are grand and warm and they protect the thigh if you get hit with the oul ball on a coul day.

Sometimes if it bounces the right way the sliotar can get caught up in them which can work out well enough for you. The neice’s daughter toul me these things are all fashion and the county girls have them. What I couldn’t understand is that these yokes are dearer for about half the material. Anyway, the long and short of it is we struck an oul deal there and then that they could wear them at matches but not at training. I couldn’t be putting up with that two nights a week – jaze – the wife’s happy enough to see me headin’ out without me coming home in bad oul form with the blood up and her havin’ to sort me out.

I was sitting there the night and I heard on the wireless that Dessie Farrell and the boys had gone professional. That Donal Cusack – he’s a sharp hoor. They talk about managers getting paid and being professional? Load of shite – I remember managing a team out in Galway one time and the boys used to throw me the odd sides of beef from time to time and fill the car with a drop of diesel out of the tank down on a farm and maybe an envelope now and then. I got the roof re-tiled once and a fortnight’s holiday in a fella’s villa in Spain. I dunno what’ll be the end of this pay for play – but I’ll tell you one thing after Sunday and a few other games I seen – the Dubs is lucky they aren’t getting paid by the hour.

Finally, good luck to Omagh CBS in the Hogan Cup Final. I took them boys Noel Donnelly and Dinky McBride up at the Poly for the odd session. Noel always talked about former CBS manager Terry McGurk’s inspirational words: ‘We’re working lads, we’re working.’ Couldn’t have put it better meself.