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From 5 November 2007. The papers were full of Oisin McConville’s autobiography and his heroic battle against the lure of the bookies. A few diehard GAA people raised an eyebrow at some of his whinging about other players. For a week or so it was a bit of a pantomime.

This season you have to go to see the riches to rags and back again story of Oisinderella – it has it all – pints, points and punts.

Poor oul Oisinderella thought she would never get to the ball – in fact she couldn’t even afford the taxi having lost all her readies on a well intentioned but foolhardy punt. That is until the big orange pumpkin turned into a wonderful coach called Big Joe, the donkeys previously known as the McEntees actually turned out to be thoroughbreds and the handsome young prince called Geezer delivered riches untold to Oisinderella and her ilk.

Also featuring Jack O’Connor as the whiner Twankey, guest star Francie Bellew as a Mrs Doubtfire-esque fairy godmother – and back by special request, Tyrone’s Conor Gormley, Ryan McMenamin and Brian Dooher allstar as the three ugly sisters. Also featuring Buttons – who lives in Oisinderella’s pockets cos there’s nothing else in there only… Buttons. Buttons lives in terror of being given away to the Evil Bookmaker sponsored by none other than Paddy Power.

The dramatic tour de force features specially adapted versions of modern classic tunes including Coldplay’s Fix You, Johnny Cash performing Sunday Morning Coming Down, Van Morrison’s Have a I Told You Lately That I Love You, sung acapella by the three ugly sisters, as well as ABBA’s Take a Chance on Me, You Better You Bet by the Who and the Rolling Stones You Can’t Always Bet What you Want.

The plot – well it’s simple really.

Oisinderella lived at home – a big fish in a small pond – always busy – there was always something somewhere to be cleaned out. But every time Oisinderella went for the ball, the three ugly sisters always called her names and were always cruel saying the nastiest things that weren’t true. Then they sniggered and laughed when Oisinderella went and cried about it. Especially when they had the last laugh. Poor Oul Oisinderella couldn’t hack this – especially with so many other things going on in her life. It was tough being a big girl’s blouse she thought to herself as another dream – and a pink slip – turned to ashes. Burnt again.

Conor the biggest ugly sister burst into Oisinderella’s world: “I will put you in my pocket and feed you on farts as Brolly told us to do”, said Conor.

“Oh no you won’t,” said Oisinderella,

“Oh Yes I will,” chorused Conor and Ryan.

“Oh no you won’t,” said Oisinderella,

“Oh Yes I will,” chorused Conor and Ryan and Brian.

“Oh no you won’t,” said Oisinderella,

“Oh Yes I will,” chorused Conor and Ryan and Brian and everyone from the dastardly County of Tyrone. Oisinderella hated people from Tyrone – she couldn’t put her finger on it – she just did. They didn’t really mind her – they knew she had been to the ball just the once and would never ever be back and that was sad – nothing else.

At this Oisinderella turned and burst into tears, she sobbed: “I’m only happy when I see the big orange pumpkin. Why are the ugly sisters being so nasty to me?”

“Because you’re a big wean and you cry a lot…” chorused thousands of people who were already sick of the pantomime. We wonder why…

Not to be continued…