Playing the Name Game
Talking Balls No Comments »
Sounds straightforward in theory, but there would be a host of practical, ethical and team issues with doing this. Talking Balls as usual has all the angles covered.
Since it currently takes most well-known GAA gear suppliers an excessively long period of time to provide even a basic set of shirts, imagine the delay if the shirt was further complicated with individual names.
No, the only way in which this would work would be the introduction of squad numbers unless of course each county team employed some oul doll to iron vinyl letters onto the shirt in the dressing room before the start of the game. That in itself would present a host of difficulties. For example if the mercurial centre forward, lining out at no 11 slipped in the bog and sustained a nasty injury, the selectors would have to make a last minute alteration to the starting fifteen. Would they hastily remove the name from the no 11 shirt?
And what then if the oul doll with responsibility for ironing was dyslexic for example or made a balls of the spelling of a player’s name? It would add greatly to the pre match confusion (and craic) but would not aid team preparation. Also, the added health and safety risk of an older lady in the dressing room with a hot steam iron and all those virile young men about, Jaze you never know what might happen, especially if her name was Iris. God knows someone might get badly singed.
The introduction of players’ names would also likely herald the cult of the personality shirt number arriving in the GAA. Similar to what has been the case in American Football and Basketball. Those wannabees in soccer of course adopted this a few years back along with the self indulgent practice of ‘retiring’ the shirt in the case of players like AC Milan’s no 6 Franco Baresi.
Highly respected basketball coach John Wooden – by whom Mickey Harte has been strongly influenced – preached the sanctity of the team and elevated that above all other factors. ‘Ten hands to score a basket’ he proclaimed and he refused to get into the practice of retiring shirts since it elevated one individual above the team. Harte has a similar view on the sanctity of the team with ritual handing our of shirts and the egalitarian practice of numbering subs in alphabetical order.
In the GAA however the names on shirts may also militate against the age old practice of a shirt or two being nicked. Club teams and county underage teams the length and breadth of the country are plagued by lads trying to make off with their shirt. In one club of our acquaintance, the only numbered shirts were those used for matches and were kept in the bag. One moron ‘borrowed’ the number 8 shirt – itself a ridiculous exercise since the individual concerned was a frequently anonymous corner forward who spent most of the time on the bench. He blew his own cover by ostentatiously wearing the shirt to Mass on the Sunday and compounded his crime by confidently striding up the main aisle to receive communion.
But we all know the ritual whereby the dressing room door is locked until all the shorts and socks are returned to the pile not to mention the shirts. Inevitably there then ensues a row with the one or two conscientous lads who, maybe due to a nasty fungal foot or crotch infection or an odour problem, bring and wear their own shorts and socks and are then accused of stealing until the gear is all counted again for the umpteenth time.
If it helps the commentators then named shirts may help. Even the likes of the BBC Mark Sidebottom who sometimes has difficulty knowing the name of the ground he’s at. Likewise it would help in the case of a melee to identify the perptrators or even the referee when he wants to card some hoor.
Sounds like it needs a special congress. We’ll not be there.
