He’s in, he’s out, What the F**k’s it all about?

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The Derry Air - full of mystery and intrigue this week!
The Derry Air - full of mystery and intrigue this week!
At the time of writing Talking Balls can exclusively and categorically confirm that Paddy (or Patrick as his oul boy Baker prefers to call him on live television) Bradley either is or isn’t in or out of the Derry squad.

Obviously something is afoot in the Derry camp. On Sunday evening rumours started circulating on the discussion forums that a senior player was leaving the Derry set up. On Monday morning those BBC broadcasters with their finger indubitably on the pulse of the GAA as usual carried a story stating that Paddy Bradley had left the Derry panel after a meeting with Damian Cassidy following Sunday’s in-house match. The rumour mill went into whirligig mode. Other Derry players knew nathin’ either, or they were sayin’ nathin’. Omerta? Perhaps.

Round lunchtime Derry Co board apparatchik Seamus Mullan who moonlights as a sometime GAA correspondent for Radio Foyle categorically confirmed that Bradley had left the panel. He also referenced a couple of other issues that were of concern, quoting a ‘very reliable’ source.

At teatime, Mark Sidebottom, increasingly the Beeb in Norn Ireland’s answer to Adrian Logan, broadcast live from the Antrim footballers press night. The ranks of the media were swelled no doubt by the number of journos wanting to ask Baker about his son rather than Antrim’s successes, which must have annoyed him. Baker categorically denied that ‘Patrick’ had left the panel and cryptically suggested that the same boy would be lining out numbered between 14 and 30 for Derry on Saturday.

On Monday evening the Derry Co Board posted a note on their website categorically denying escalating rumours that Paddy Bradley had left the squad, this less than twelve hours after their own Board member Seamus Mullan categorically confirmed that he had left.

Anything for a bit of drama. Maybe Paddy and Cassidy cooked this up to divert folks away from the pressure of playing Monaghan twice in six weeks. Maybe Paddy had a frivolous bet with team sponsors Ladbrokes that he could be in and out and in again in the space of 24 hours. Maybe he doesn’t like the manager’s much vaunted system. Whatever, it’ll keep people guessing right up until the ball is throw in on Saturday. Will he or won’t he; is he or isn’t he.

Who cares?

Miracle: Sully Comeback on a Piece of Toast

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Sully on toast, whatever next?
Sully on toast, whatever next?
Following the news that throngs of people in Limerick have been attending Rathkeale churchyard to view a stump of a tree which, it is claimed carries a likeness of the Virgin Mary, there have been other miracle sightings round the country.

Cork hurling fan Jem McCarthy (61) from Cloyne received a shock the other morning when he buttered a piece of toasted soda bread and to his amazement an image of what he claims is retired Rebel fullback Diarmuid O’Sullivan appeared on his toast.

‘Yerra,’ said Jem ‘I was so taken aback I couldn’t eat the toast, I was starving too. I knew Sully since he was just a nipper and to have him appear on my toast at breakfast time was a shock I’ll tell you.’

Jem believe the mystical appearance is no coincidence.

“I told Diarmuid to retire when I saw him up the street by the Ring statue and his exact words were ‘That’s me finished Jem, unless there is some sort of miracle.’

“Well I believe this is the miracle we were waiting for. I’m doing to bring the piece of toast down to Denis Walsh to show it to him in case he doesn’t believe me.”

We’ll keep you posted.

Seán Óg Ó hAilpín and Amnesty International

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Seán Óg Ó hAilpín features in Amnesty International’s new book about Ireland’s relationship with the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Following is Seán Óg Ó hAilpín’s article from Amnesty International’s new book about Ireland’s relationship with the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO REST AND LEISURE, INCLUDING REASONABLE LIMITATION OF WORKING HOURS AND PERIODIC HOLIDAYS WITH PAY. ARTICLE 24

By Seán Óg Ó hAilpín

For me, Article 24 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights
means that I have the right to pick up a hurley. In Article 24, I see
the right to stand in a field, frozen, in lashing rain with a bunch
of other lads. I see the right to sport and am reminded again of the
importance it has played in my life.

As a young boy, I grew up in Australia with my Fijian mother,
Emilie, and my father, Seán, a native of County Fermanagh. At the
age of eleven, we left our home to move right across the world to
the land of my father. To be honest, before then, I was never quite
sure if Ireland even really existed.

My dad had given me a hurley when I was younger and, every
September, we were woken in the middle of the night to gather
around the radio to listen to reports of a game called hurling in a
place called Croke Park, but it didn’t feel real to me.

When I arrived into Cork city in 1988, I realised that my life had
changed suddenly, and completely. I remember my first day in
school. There I stood in front of my new classmates, a half-Fijian,
half-Irish boy, straight from Australia. My new teacher introduced
me to my classmates, ‘We have a new boy his name is Seán Óg and
he comes from Australia.’ One of my new classmates turned to our
class map of Europe and pointed at Austria, ‘Is that it sir? Is that
where he is from?’ I knew then that I was far from my old home.
But I was to find a new home in ‘the Mon’, North Monastery CBS,
where I was introduced to hurling properly. We were probably,
though I’m not sure, the first Fijian-Irish family on arrive to Cork’s
northside, but I am very sure that we were the first Fijian-Irish
boys to stand on the hurling pitch.

It didn’t matter to the lads I played with in the Mon, or went on to
play with for my club Na Piarsaigh, that my brothers and I were born
in Fiji or Australia. It wasn’t about the colour of our skin, it was about
the game. Regardless of my colour or that I was from a different
place, I was free to step onto the pitch and pick up a hurl and sliotar
like anyone else. Nobody cared where I was from. They didn’t care
what I looked like or how I sounded. It was about the team. It was
about lifting the sliotar, passing it on, playing with the team.

That’s sport. It’s a universal language. It’s something that you can
play with complete strangers who don’t speak your language or
know your culture or it’s something you can spend a lifetime trying
to perfect with your closest friends.

When I first arrived in Ireland, I was an outsider and a stranger.
But, through playing hurling, I became as much a part of the
community as a boy or girl born and raised on the northside. The
freedom that afforded me, the idea that a foreigner can come into
a community and play a sport that is the essence of this country,
had a huge impact upon the way my life turned out.
After a while, I wasn’t ‘Seán Óg the Fijian’. I was known by my
name, Seán Óg.

I was fortunate enough to go on to have the opportunity to
represent my county, to wear the same colours as Christy Ring, to
stand on the steps of the Hogan Stand and to hold the Liam
McCarthy Cup aloft in front of tens of thousands of my county men
and women and thank them in our own language. And I got to
bring the trophy home to the Mon, for the next generation. The
self-belief that playing GAA instilled in me has brought me to a
very privileged place.

My story demonstrates the opportunity sport, or any form of leisure
activity, can afford people to integrate into a community. For me,
it was the GAA and hurling. For other children in Ireland today,
it could be soccer or rugby or swimming or tennis.

It’s easy for people who are not into sports to miss out on how
important a role it has to play. Participation in sport and leisure
activities can help break down artificial barriers of race and class.
For me, it opened doors to my community. It integrated me in a
new culture. I see in Article 24 the right to participate like anyone
else in rest and leisure activities, the exact same opportunity that
I took when I arrived in Cork.

Last November, I read in the newspaper about a talented sixteen year-
old hurler playing at corner-forward with Lucan Sarsfields.
Sujon Alamgir is from Bangladesh. The article ended with him
saying, ‘I’ve played at Croke Park before for my school and I’d love
to play there for Dublin at senior level.’

I can’t wait for that to happen. I can’t wait to see players from
Nigeria or Russia, Poland or the Philippines turning out at Croke
Park in their county colours. And you can be sure it’s going to
happen. One in ten people living here today was born outside
Ireland. Increasingly, sporting organisations like the GAA, the FAI,
the IRFU and others are working to ensure that integration and
anti-racism are not just set out in worthy policy documents, but
that they have a reality at national and local level. That they exist
on playing fields and in sports centres.

Sadly, the role of sporting organisations in doing this looks like it
will become more and more important.

In 2007, the gardaí received 180 reports of racism up from a
figure of sixty-six incidents in 2004. These included damage to
property, assaults, harassment and incitement to hatred. Yet
funding for the Office of the Minister for Integration was cut by 26
per cent in the 2008 budget and the National Consultative
Committee on Racism and Interculturalism (NCCRI) has been
abolished.

For decades, the GAA played a role in supporting and developing
communities in rural and deprived parts of the country where the
state had failed. Now, with the GAA, the people working hardest
in your community to ensure our new communities are not left
behind or isolated could be your local soccer coach or the people
running swimming lessons. Through that kind of participation, I
believe the real promise of Article 24 in Ireland will be realised by
ensuring that we all have access to rest and leisure activities with
people new to our country.

GAA unable to meet GPA’s Demands

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The GAA has said it is “not in a position” to hand over five per cent of its commercial revenue to the GPA.??The Association outlined its position on the matter this morning when it published an eight-point plan in response to the GPA’s demand for formal recognition.??

GAA president Christy Cooney and director-general Paraic Duffy said they wanted to continue talks with the players’ body with a view to granting them official recognition. However, they said the GAA cannot meet the GPA’s demands for five per cent of their commercial income.?

The GAA’s position on the matter is as follows:

1. The GAA’s serious engagement with the GPA on the issue of recognition, with the full support of GAA Central Council, demonstrates the Association’s good faith in seeking a resolution to the recognition issue. The GAA has long recognised both the validity of a players’ representative body and the potential value to players and Association alike of a partnership in such a context.

2. However, if the GAA is to provide significant funding to the GPA – regardless of the structure of such funding – it can only do so on the basis of the GPA’s existence as an integral part of the Association. The GAA nationally reinvests virtually all of its revenues directly to Counties and Clubs and is fully committed to the welfare, indeed the enhanced welfare, of all those who play its games. It is essential, both for the players and the Association, that any funds spent on the crucially important area of player welfare are accountable and provide value for money.

3. The GAA centrally is, as indicated, prepared to provide significant funding to the GPA as an officially recognised players’ body. However, as applies in the preparation of our own annual budgets, and also in respect of funding requests from all Club, County and Provincial units, from our sister organisations, and in relation to the many projects of a community nature that it undertakes, the clear GAA policy is to do so only in the context of a project based funding model. Under such a model, appropriate initiatives for inter county players would be approved and delivered based on an assessment in terms of value for money, affordability and their overall benefit to the playing body.

The GAA simply cannot provide funding for any unit or body based purely on a fixed percentage of annual income. The Association already has a substantial fixed annual overhead that must be met from revenue sources that are unfixed, unpredictable and subject to significant alteration due to factors outside the Association’s control. The GAA has to act responsibly in its financial management, and cannot place its financial welfare at risk by committing itself to a permanent arrangement of the kind sought.

4. It is also the view of the GAA that comparisons with other players’ bodies elsewhere and in other contexts are of limited relevance. On every important criterion, the situation in respect of the GAA is profoundly different:
(i) The GAA is an amateur association, while other bodies function in a purely professional context;
(ii) GAA players play our games as a recreation of choice, while others do so as a professional activity;
(iii) The GAA does not exist to make a profit. Indeed, professional sport is increasingly conducted according to the profitability models of business. Sporting entities “invest in” players as, in effect, assets and, very often, must respond to the demands of shareholders.

5. Apart from these fundamental and specific differences, there is a more general context that should be taken into account, and within which the issue of the recognition, status and funding of the GPA must be resolved. This concerns the very nature and ethos of the GAA. The GAA belongs to the tens of thousands of Irish people who participate in GAA activities in their respective local communities, ranging from the selfless volunteers who seek to improve the quality of life, sense of unity and belonging in their communities to those who are spectators of our games. In essence, the GAA exists because of the voluntary efforts of its members; the GAA, therefore, has a core duty of responsibility to all its members. This embraces all of our players, as well as the varying needs of the entire GAA community.

Part of that responsibility is manifested through the huge and growing GAA expenditure on facilities in clubs and communities throughout the country. Notwithstanding these enormous demands on GAA revenue, the Association allocates in excess of an audited 25 million annually in the preparation of inter-county teams and on the welfare of its players. The GAA is able to devote such a significant expenditure in these areas due to funding sources such as gate receipts, sponsorship and broadcast/media revenue.

6. On an annual basis, the GAA reinvests its income in the infrastructural, social and human development of the Association and its members, only ever retaining a tiny fraction of its resources as cash reserves. Even a cursory examination of the audited and publicly available accounts of our County boards, Provincial and Central Councils would confirm that the GAA does not have substantial cash reserves.

7. Notwithstanding all of this, the GAA recognises the hugely important role played by inter county players in the promotion and development of our games and in generating finance that helps the Association to operate successfully at many levels. Hence, in addition to financing projects of a welfare nature, the GAA reiterates its willingness, subject to a resolution of the recognition and funding issues, to: (i) provide administrative funding for the GPA; (ii) provide office accommodation for the GPA; (iii) ensure GPA representation on national committees; (iv) develop joint GAA/GPA sponsorships and opportunities for the benefit of our players and indeed the wider Association.

Tyrone Best Dressed Supporters this Summer – Squareball

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Get Set for Clones - Available this Tuesday!
Get Set for Clones - Available this Tuesday!
Antrim may be the fairytale story of this year’s Ulster Championship, but Tyrone fans will have something extra special to wear when they go to the ball game.

Squareball’s exclusive Tyrone range will be available from next Tuesday. The gear is unlike any GAA supporters gear you have seen before. It bears the Official Croke Park stamp of approval and is the forerunner of the Eighteen84 streetwear collection by Squareball that has been given the thumbs up by the GAA.

Why Tyrone you might ask? Well, Squareball has developed the range for one county and is seeking feedback from the rest of you to see whether the gear is something you would wear in supporting your own county. So far the feedback has been a resounding yes, so we’d be glad to hear from as many of you as possible.

So log on, zoom in and check it out on the Squareball site. The stuff will be available from Tuesday so get on the ball if you want your gear in time for the Ulster Final.

Tha joogins is hingin oot a it

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Glensman, hurlin' aye bae, dinnae ken fudball
Glensman, hurlin' aye bae, dinnae ken fudball

The Antrim Co Board, led by none other than the venerable Dr John McSporran, himself a native of the Glens, have announced a promotional scheme that will introduce gaelic fudball to the residents of the Glens.

These mountainy savages are of course more used to hurling the small ball, but with Antrim’s unprecedented success with the big ball, the time has come to educate everyone north of Ballymena. It is hoped that the likes of people from Loughgiel, Cushendall, Cushendun, Armoy will come down from the hills in their droves, pluck the straw out of their beards and matted hair to venture to Clones for the Ulster Final.

As part of the plan big signs hi, will be put up along the M2 after Ballymena saying “Ulster Fudball Final, the Other Road.” The scheme is part of a number of promotional efforts to spread the Gospel in Belfast and Antrim that include banning white Celtic tracksuits from St Tiernach’s Park and prohibiting the singing of ‘Are you Rangers in disguise’ by the Shafties.

One big lad from Ballycastle said “Aye dinnae ken wha’ all thesuns are so worked up about. I wush ye had a-seen the set o them. I may’n gaen tae Clunes, quare oul drive bai, It’s gan tae be a’ by before we get there Ay’d sai. I be afeart themins frae Teerone ‘ll have ouruns bate frae they get oon the feeld.”

Anyhow, for anyone who meets someone frae the Glens at the game and cannae understand a word they say, here are a few phrases that may help:

An Antrim forward, when encountering interference from Ryan McMenamin may be heard to say: “Whut ir ye footerin at?”

If on the receiving end of some ‘verbal jousting’ the Antrim player might respond: “Whut ir ye ganshin aboot?”

Upon hearing after wards that due to concussion he missed most of the game following a collision with Dooher, but that Antrim only lost by a few: “A wuz qwerly gunkt tae hear thon.”

To the Antrim defence in disarray after another Tyrone attack cuts a swathe right through it: “Redd thon hash up, wud ye.”

To a passing shapely female Tyrone fan in one of the new Squareball Club and County tee shirts: “Tha joogins is hingin oot a it.”

At half time when a gobshite from Dungannon stumbles into you, obviously under the influence of too much Magners and Vodkae: “Dinnae jundy mey while A drink mae tae!”

When listening to a pile of lads from Coalisland prematurely celebrating a Tyrone victory: “Listen tae tha keehos a them.”

On a big lad from the Glens being ejected from Clones for disorderly conduct: “Tha police oxtert ‘im oot”

Upon crashing the car when checking out the talent wearing one of them new Squareball tee shirts: “Spose it dinged yir motor?” – “Well ay, shey hit mey a qwer sough, hi!”

When the corner forward fails to track Ricey up the field as he posts yet another score: “As lazy as sheugh waater”

Post match interview on having marked Brian Dooher: “A cunnae thole thon boy fur any lenth a time.”

On getting home tae the Glens after your day out in Clones at the fudball, and looking for some evening entertainment: “g’efter thon yo, wud ye”

By the Short and Curlies

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A 'Football Feast': two quarter-final games and both semi-finals at a cost of €99. 'Hurling Heaven': one quarter-final and both semis and is priced at €90. Other deals include Co Board Cash in - Free of Charge.
A 'Football Feast': two quarter-final games and both semi-finals at a cost of €99. 'Hurling Heaven': one quarter-final and both semis and is priced at €90. Other deals include Co Board Cash in - Free of Charge.
County managers the length and breadth of the country have been looking enviously at Galway where the Tribe’s hurling board chairman Miko Ryan has been suspended for eight weeks arising from a sideline incident involving a selector during last Saturday week’s Leinster SHC semi-final against Kilkenny.?

An internal investigation found that Ryan clashed with selector John Moylan during the second half of the high-profile Tullamore tie, which Galway lost to the All-Ireland champions by four points. Initial investigations examined the theory that Miko was lookin’ a drink out of a waterbottle, but Moylan said the drink was for the players only.

Whatever happened there’s many’s the county management set-up would enjoy a bit of peace and quiet away from the Blazers and Powers That Be.

****

Good news for the lesser lights of hurling this week as the Powers That Be announce that the finals of the three less prominent competitions will be played in Croker. Saturday 11 July is the big day for the finalists in the Lory Meagher, Nicky Rackard and Christy Ring Cups. Last year you will recall the authorities courted controversy by suggesting the Christy Ring Final could be played in Croke park on a Friday night before rescheduling it to a school all weather pitch on a different date. At least now the hurlers of a lesser sod will get their day in the Sun. Big carrot too for the winners of the Crusty Ring as they get automatically elevated into the Liam for the first time. Bad news for Antrim hurlers. Are the heading for the trapdoor as the footballers claim their place in the Sun?

****

Banty McEneaney has rightly earned a reputation for the colour of his language. Obviously his gift of the gab is rubbing off on his players. Heard of kissing the Blarney Stone? Well up in Monaghan maybe kissing Banty’s stones has the same effect.
This week corner back Dermot McArdle was ruminating on Monaghan’s chances against Armagh sans ace attacker Freeman. Sez he:

“He scores at least five, six points every game from frees or from play and he is always going to take their best defender out of the game as well.”

The latter comment maybe just an unfortunate choice of words giving the circumstances of Freeman’s suspension. But, obviously down Monaghan-way, the jug is half full, well under Banty anyhow:

“You can look at it two ways, as a huge loss or a huge opportunity to prove we can play without him. He was sent off inside the first two minutes of the league game against Armagh so maybe that might help.”

Indeed, Glass half full of McArdle’s please.

****

Banana skin or what? Down manager Ross Carr has written off London’s chance of causing an upset when they play the Mourne County next week in the qualifier. Sez Carr: “we should come through it. I’ll put it like this if we don’t I’ll be in London next year. . . it’s a game that we have to win and also put down a marker in.”

***

Derry’s man of the moment James Kielt gave an interesting view of the Tyrone football team ahead of last week’s semi final defeat. Talking about the incident that left him apparently ’sucking weetabix through a straw’ Kielt said: “It’s not that sore but it would be if I got a bang. I never considered playing against Tyrone. I was ready for training, but they’re one crowd you’d need to be right for.”

That’s one crowd you’d need to be right for???? Would the fact that the Ballinderry team sits astride the Derry Tyrone border and draw players from both sides have anything to do with this or are we reading too much into things here?

***
AND FINALLY. . .

No talk of things short and curly would be complete without mention of Donal Og Cusack, Cork’s controversial and inspirational goalkeeper. News hot off the press tells us that he will be publishing his autobiography before the end of the year. We look forward to a warts and all tale as Ogie tells us of his life and loves and the highlights and lowlifes of his career with the Unholy Trinity of Cloyne, Cork and the GPA. Christmas is looking good already with books due from Brian Cody, Mickey Harte and hopefully Audie Hamilton.

Media Blackout Does Everyone a Favour

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Silence is Golden - Self imposed media ban since Cork didn't cut the mustard.
Silence is Golden - Self imposed media ban since Cork didn't cut the mustard.
GAA fans the length and breadth of the country have welcomed the GPA’s announcement that their members will not be giving broadcast press interviews ahead of the Munster SHC Final featuring Waterford and Tipp nor indeed for the Leinster SFC Final featuring the Dubs and Geezer’s Lillywhites. It is not known either whether Geezer himself, as a former GPA stalwart will extend a fraternal hand of solidarity and decline media interviews ahead of the game.

He has already broken cover to give the PTB a shoeing over their refusal to let other counties train on the Hallowed Croke soil whilst the Dubs get meaningless training matches against the likes of Westmeath.

On the players media blackout, one prominent GAA supporter said: “Thanks be to Jesus we will be spared the sort of anodyne crap these boys serve up ahead of games. I only wish Cork were in the Final so that eejit Cusack could serve a self imposed ban, save us listening to him blather on.”

“The players think they are discomfiting the public? They are doing us a favour. I have heard enough vacuous nonsense over the last couple of weeks to do me a lifetime. How hard the manager works, tales of legendary training sessions up some backwoods, or in some shady corner of a muddy Junior Club pitch that searches a spotlight into players’ souls. These boys should get a kick up the hole and be told to get on with it.”

The official statement said that players “will not be available for sports programming on the relevant channels or any GAA sponsors promotional activity around these two fixtures. In no other aspect will the staging of the two finals be affected by the actions of the GPA and its members.”??

“The GPA has requested the GAA to fund a series of enhanced player welfare programmes in the critical areas of employment, career development and health and wellbeing services.”

One way round the problem is thought to be a Section 31-style approach that would see players replaced by cardboard dummies and their bland, trite soundbites delivered by actors. Already Colin Farrell has agreed to voice Alan Brogan whilst Kildare Officer and Gentleman Dermot Early will be voiced by Pierce Brosnan. It is thought there will be a line up of volunteers to do Dan Shanahan orally.

Go Slow Games, for the Middle Aged

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Beach trainin' for the casual footballer
Beach trainin' for the casual footballer
In an attempt to wrest middle aged GAA fans off the sofa, stop the spread of blubber across the living room and generally return formerly active but now sedentary GAA members to active life, a number of clubs have introduced the concept of social football.

Originally one of the better brainchilds of former Uachtaran, Sean Kelly, the idea is gradually gaining some currency. That is unlike his doomed proposal to have Camogs cavort round the pitch in some sort of semi-horned-up beauty pageant that ironically would have targeted the same audience as the social football. Anyhow we digress. One club of our acquaintance began the experiment the other evening with positive results and as importantly no visits to the fracture clinic or Cardiac Unit.

A gathering of around twenty players was organized. There were those that could run but couldn’t kick; those that could kick but couldn’t run; and those that could do neither. There were none present that could both run and kick, so the concept of bursting off the shoulder and taking the ball on the break was an alien concept. As was the idea of kicking the diagonal ball into space for the corner forward to run on to. Typically by the time the corner forward got there the ball had rolled to a dead stop so, with a creaking of the back the player would bend to lift the ball. However most diagonal balls were a direct result of either a total miss-kick or a rather forlorn reliance on former glories. One or two players were so inept it was impossible to predict with any certainty where the ball once kicked would land. It all added to the excitement.

Some of the players had played a bit before the onset of middle aged spread but after the warm-up a number were sent crawling for the liberal scattering of water bottles.

Surprisingly no-one was injured, there was no rows, age having appeared to have blunted the aggressive edge. At this age, and in this heat, all possible energy is required to just get your hands on the ball. It’s a game of inches, so one step too short you might not get there, one step too far and you risk tearing something. The idiots you need are all around you but some of them were that far gone, purple faced, lolling tongue and soaking in perspiration that the humane thing was not to pass them the ball.

The game was a low scoring affair, the impotence of the respective forward units would suggest that these lads will welcome with open arms the recent news that viagra will soon be on sale over the counter in pharmacies in the six counties. Anything to stiffen the resolve in front of goal and enable fellas to shoot straight. The whole concept of the ball stop was rigorously questioned several times – one attempt cleared it to the side and several others sailed over, not having troubled the two big white pipes en route.

Having said all of the above, the players loved it. No doubt long suffering wives and partners had to listen to exaggerated tales long into the night. The true cost is the following morning when the Casual footballer tries to get out of bed. At that stage her indoors will lose the temper and ban the mention of the subject ever again. But he’ll be back next week for more, sure there’s nothing like it. 6:30 Sunday night, legends in their own lunchtimes.

Bazaar of Oz

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The latest Aussie Soap Opera to hit our screens kicks off on Sunday evening at 9.00pm on RTE Two.

Featuring Ricky Nixon, the leading actor in increasingly moribund tale of wannabe professional sports stars from these shores heading down under in search of some filthy lucre and a beachful of luscious lovelies, the Oz Factor is probable being broadcast six months too late. Really, dos anyone give a toss about GAA players heading to Australia anymore?

Talking Balls examines the facts. Although Ricky gave us an exclusive interview earlier in the year and confidently predicted in that Tommy Walsh would be signing on the dotted line (it hasn’t happened) things have gone noticeably colder for our antipodean cousins.

Among others Aisake O hAilpin has returned to the Rebel fold and lines out at No 14 this weekend. Tyrone starlet Kyle Coney was gone down under but was back home before you could say Natalie Imbruglia.

James Kielt, he of the most famous busted jaw in Derry was supposed to be exchanging dentist drill for oval ball drills but he has publicly stated he won’t be for going. Fellow Derry player, Chrissy McKaigue has also been linked with a move. Corkman Micheal Shields has been and came back. Setanta, the most high profile export landed himself in water after he bate the dung out of one of his teammates a while back. He’s still there but for how much longer. Tadhg Kenneally is home but longing to go back if you listen to reports.

The Sunday soap also features Mickey Harte. As you know the well known Tyrone manager is one of the most strident critics of the game and of its bastard offspring, the International Rules series.

According to the PR blurb, the story kicks off with Nixon taking a selection of his target players to the pub for a rake of pints of Fosters that lasts til’ about four in the morning, followed by a good ole Aussie dust up with a couple of locals. Then he kicks them out of bed again at seven to go surfing in the Atlantic of Mayo and afterwards they get to pose around on the beach in their speedoes whilst a load of final years from the local convent school eye them up lasciviously. Each player was required to wear a mullet-styled hairdo and skin tight tee shirt with a pair of unfeasible baggy shorts. Native Australian speakers were on hand to teach basic phrases such as G’day Cobber, Suss, Now Worries, and that Kangaroo has a quare tongue on him sur.

The purpose, of course to try and recreat what they will encounter when they go to Oz. Needless some players took to it better than others.