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Talking Balls can reveal at last that the goings on around the hurling championships over the last week or two have been our doing. Yep, we’ve been behind it, in cahoots with Croker, the biggest shambles in the history of hurling. Read all about it.

You won’t need us to remind you that with Carlow winning the Christy Ring Cup and gaining promotion to the Liam McCarthy automatically, Antrim and Wexfrod subsequently qualified for a relegation final that neither wanted to play in. Nor for that matter did Clare and Offaly. Remember, all of these counties have played in the All Ireland Final in the last twenty years with Offaly, Wexford and Clare actually winning the damn thing.

Towards the end of 2008 we were invited to a meeting at a secret venue near Croke Park with a number of senior members of the Powers that Be. Our brief was simple. To raise the profile of hurling in such a way that people will sit up and take notice. Everything was on the table we were told, use the GPA, the DRA, the UDA, the VIAGRA, whatever you can do to get more people interested in hurling. Data produced and hastily whipped away again showed us Directer of Hurling Development Paudie Butler’s mileage claims. The man’s doing twice the distance he used to. That tells you something.

Do whaterver you can to get hurling noticed. And fast. Whhatever it takes. Get it out there, make peoplpe sit up and take notice. Sometimes you gotta slaughter a few sacred cows they said. Back at the office, set set about our task with a relish that would make the Goodman tribunal look like a bowl of catfood.

The campaign was simple. First, Gerald McCarthy had to go. Nothing like a high profile casualty and a bit of controversy to whet the appetite in the winter when there’s no matches. We knew the Cork boys would be keen to promote hurling so they readily agreed to agitate for a new manager. Frank Murphy reluctantly bought in at first but when Gerald and the so-called rebels were assured of a holiday in La Manga things began to happen and wheels turned quickly.

Next up we met John McSparran. How would Antrim like to play in Leinster? We would say it was for three years we told him, but once in there we would make sure they weren’t kicked out. No problem said John and he proceeded to say all the right things in public. Antrim in Croker, sure that’s a big carrot for any man from the Glens.

Other carrots were needed. We dangled automatic promotion in front of Carlow, Westmeath, Down and a few others in the Christy Ring. We all want up they said. So, we sent a motion to congress, nominally from Westmeath but our fingerprints were all over it like flies round shite. Another hurdle overcome.

Galway had been early supporters of the plan but on one condition we said. Loughnane had to go. We needed him in the studio with Donal O’Grady and the boys to stir the shit as only they can. Not a problem, Ger was happy to oblige, and so was Galway.

Other bits of the subplot fell into place. Davy Fitz making the right noises down with the Deise – most of the unprintable; Justin back in the saddle with Limerick; The Dubs a renaissance under Dalo. Sure twas great altogether.

And the last week the biggest coup of all. The total shambles round the relegation play offs and promotion. What better way to get everyone fired up to look at the structure of the hurling champiohsip than to show that under any objective viewing it is a total and utter shambles as it stands. The final piece of genius? The DRA decision, it was the final icing on our Cake.

But. Our job’s not over yet. If things don’t go the way we plan this relegation play off will be played in the middle of November just in cae you understand?

Anyhow, lest you don’t believe us, remember that as far as hurling is concerned, fact is often stranger than fiction. And that’s a fact.