Tha joogins is hingin oot a it
Talking Balls 1 Comment »
The Antrim Co Board, led by none other than the venerable Dr John McSporran, himself a native of the Glens, have announced a promotional scheme that will introduce gaelic fudball to the residents of the Glens.
These mountainy savages are of course more used to hurling the small ball, but with Antrim’s unprecedented success with the big ball, the time has come to educate everyone north of Ballymena. It is hoped that the likes of people from Loughgiel, Cushendall, Cushendun, Armoy will come down from the hills in their droves, pluck the straw out of their beards and matted hair to venture to Clones for the Ulster Final.
As part of the plan big signs hi, will be put up along the M2 after Ballymena saying “Ulster Fudball Final, the Other Road.” The scheme is part of a number of promotional efforts to spread the Gospel in Belfast and Antrim that include banning white Celtic tracksuits from St Tiernach’s Park and prohibiting the singing of ‘Are you Rangers in disguise’ by the Shafties.
One big lad from Ballycastle said “Aye dinnae ken wha’ all thesuns are so worked up about. I wush ye had a-seen the set o them. I may’n gaen tae Clunes, quare oul drive bai, It’s gan tae be a’ by before we get there Ay’d sai. I be afeart themins frae Teerone ‘ll have ouruns bate frae they get oon the feeld.”
Anyhow, for anyone who meets someone frae the Glens at the game and cannae understand a word they say, here are a few phrases that may help:
An Antrim forward, when encountering interference from Ryan McMenamin may be heard to say: “Whut ir ye footerin at?”
If on the receiving end of some ‘verbal jousting’ the Antrim player might respond: “Whut ir ye ganshin aboot?”
Upon hearing after wards that due to concussion he missed most of the game following a collision with Dooher, but that Antrim only lost by a few: “A wuz qwerly gunkt tae hear thon.”
To the Antrim defence in disarray after another Tyrone attack cuts a swathe right through it: “Redd thon hash up, wud ye.”
To a passing shapely female Tyrone fan in one of the new Squareball Club and County tee shirts: “Tha joogins is hingin oot a it.”
At half time when a gobshite from Dungannon stumbles into you, obviously under the influence of too much Magners and Vodkae: “Dinnae jundy mey while A drink mae tae!”
When listening to a pile of lads from Coalisland prematurely celebrating a Tyrone victory: “Listen tae tha keehos a them.”
On a big lad from the Glens being ejected from Clones for disorderly conduct: “Tha police oxtert ‘im oot”
Upon crashing the car when checking out the talent wearing one of them new Squareball tee shirts: “Spose it dinged yir motor?” – “Well ay, shey hit mey a qwer sough, hi!”
When the corner forward fails to track Ricey up the field as he posts yet another score: “As lazy as sheugh waater”
Post match interview on having marked Brian Dooher: “A cunnae thole thon boy fur any lenth a time.”
On getting home tae the Glens after your day out in Clones at the fudball, and looking for some evening entertainment: “g’efter thon yo, wud ye”
