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The player interview. . . Who was that young one ye were with last night? How'd ye miss that sitter? Do you know Donal Og? Any word of any more strikes?

Laois player MJ Tierney, Waterford legend Tony Browne and Donegal midfielder Brendan Boyle are among the inter county players who have recently lost their jobs as a result of the recession.

Whilst that is all well and good, what really caught our eye was a piece of advice published elsewhere on the site that offers guidance to the player on the ‘Player Interview’ as conducted by our friends in the media.

Now if you’ve ever wondered why the typical interview with your average inter-county player is about as interesting as Tony Davis, we have the answer. They are all being spoon-fed this media management, media trained, PR savvy bullshit that removes the player’s personality and turns him into an automoron.

So you understand, here’s some handy hints from the GPA if you are a player and you find yourself confronted by the likes of Paddy Heaney, Weeshie Fogarty, Micheal Moyhihan, Kieran Shannon or the dreaded Mark Sidebottom.

Firstly, avoid saying anything that suggests that you have a brain. Think moronic muck savage that can’t read the papers therefore isn’t interested in what goes in them and you’ll be on the right track. Some examples then if confronted with the ‘difficult question’ courtesy of the GPA:

Personal/team performance questions: answer this in a way that strengthens the focus on top performances; avoid appearing ‘falsely humble’, although talking up the opposition is okay; avoid appearing as if you’ve no self-confidence. Example answer: “We’ve trained well, I’m in good condition and we’re certainly going to do our best.”

After a defeat: when asked to explain the loss, be honest about your feelings and be constructive in your assessment. Example answer: “Of course, I’m disappointed .We’ll have to do a careful evaluation, to know what really happened out there and look for lessons. We have to look forward not back.” (Talking Balls note: in other words, do not be honest and come out and say we were pure shite. )

Other key nuggets advise the gormless, hapless player not to trash the opposition, appear over confident and best of all, how to sidestep the politically sensitive question. So the following answers are definitely out of the question:

“That fella I was marking today was shite. He kept grabbing me by the balls but even then I couldn’t have given him a bigger roasting if he was a turkey or a waitress at a Man United Christmas party.”

“Can’t wait till the next day, There’s nothing better than playing for Kilkenny knowing that you can hammer the shite out of most teams without breaking sweat. I player the last game left handed and we still won.”

“The manager hasn’t a clue. He has to resign before he does real damage. And as for the team trainer, I did harder fitness work with the club under 12s. Wheover appointed these boys and whoever’s paying them should be given a dirty bootin.”

In due course Talking Balls will be running its own media-handling course for GAA players. Watch this space.