Swine Flu and YOU
Talking Balls Comments
Flu viruses are made up of tiny particles that can be spread through the stuff that comes out of your nose and mouth when you cough, sneeze, roar abuse, expectorate, place a finger on one nostril and blast mucous forcibly out the other nostril (as for example is often seen during a match), pick your nose and so on and so forth.
When you cough or sneeze you should cover your mouth and nose with a tissue. When on the playing field we would ask you to avoid spitting. Instead please sluice out our mouth in an appropriate way and spit the liquid out, facing away from an opponent. Be careful not to suck on items that may be subsequently sucked upon by others. This includes water bottles. You should also be careful when hurling that mucous or other droplets do not adhere to your helmet faceguard. This can prove a heath risk. It also looks terrible.
You should also be careful if you cough or sneeze into your own hand or someone else’s hand. Germs can be passed on from the hand, via footballs, sliotars, hurling sticks and other GAA regalia. If you touch these sorts of surfaces please ensure you wipe them clean. In fact wiping yourself clean is in general a good start on the road to cleanliness, which itself is next to godliness.
You are also asked to avoid roaring at the referee especially if you are prone to saliva foaming, dripping or flying out of your mouth in anger (take note over enthusiastic club secretaries.) Likewise referees are asked to refrain from sharing whistles and other items that they may blow or have oral contact with.
We have also been asked to point out that excessive slabbering at committee meetings can also help distribute swine flu and other mutations such as horses ass flu and bullshit flu. If a member on your committee slabbers too much, tell him to do his bit for the country and shut his mouth. That will do us all a favour.
END OF ANNOUNCEMENT
