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GAA pitch invasions by people who have no business there could be a thing of the past

The Powers That Be are to lobby government asking for legislation outlawing pitch invasions on the grounds that someone could get hurt.

Talking Balls understands that supporters from counties such as Armagh, Monaghan and Waterford and the five supporters from Derrry that regularly attend their county games, are preparing a legal challenge on the ground that their right to free assembly is being denied, and that any legislation would contravene the European Human Rights Act.

This is all amidst a frenzy of doom-and-gloomery with Croke Park stadium director Peter McKenna revealing late last year that the insurance costs of settling claims for injuries incurred in the course of these invasions had climbed to 200,000.

We can also reveal that Central Council is to embark on an educational programme to prevent invasions taking place. One option under consideration is a typically po-faced effort with the strapline: “In the event your county should win the provincial championship for the first time in years or god forbid an All Ireland. First carry out a risk assessment and then decide the health and safety consequences of your actions blah blah blah.”

We have other ideas. Having been involved in a series of pitch invasions since an early age, Talking Balls thinks that if the G-A-A are serious they need to adopt a more raucous approach. Let’s see abseilers in combat fatigues coming off the roof of the Hogan, let’s see Jack Bauer from 24 whisper menacingly at a pitch invader as he takes another slice out of their nipple with a potato peeler.

Or maybe the PTB should just admit that when the final whistle goes, and fifty years of frustration and God knows what else comes spilling out in a frenzied ejaculation of unbridled joy, passion and release, that wild horses won’t keep people off the pitch.

Remember that one of the GAA’s most famous pitch invasions, and voted as one of the top moments in GAA history, was the sit-down protest by Offaly fans after the All Ireland hurling semi final in 1998 when Jimmy Cooney had blown the match up two minutes early. Ger Loughnane memorably and sportingly offered to replay the game but the sit-down protest helped.

So, if your team wins this summer, get out there for the lads!