Students Scholarships: Get off Your Asses and Start A-Selling
Talking Balls Comments
There’s nothing better in times of recession than to tell people to get on their bike and get some work. Especially those peskey students with their six hours lectures a week, lying about watching Neighbours and Hollyoaks, drinkin’ beer, ridin’ horses and backin’ women. Maybe a few of the lazy hoors crawl out of bed now and then to go and kick football or puck a sliotar. In the past there were scholarships available for that sort of thing but not any more you’ll be glad to hear.
In a move that clearly demonstrates their leadership position in modern Ireland, players’ body the GPA has announced that in future i.e. from now on, their GPA Energise Student Sport Scholarship Scheme will be confined to “students who promote the Energise Sport brand in a number of ways.”
Now that’s a wheeze that arch Tory Norman Tebbit would have been proud of. So instead of taking it for granted that they will be rewarded for being reasonably talented sportsmen, these fellas now have to hawk Club Energise product on the College campus bar/shop/dispensing machine or to the University Student Pole Dancing Squad or whoever wants it; or through their own club and through retail and licensed premises. In addition they should be available for photo calls and other PR opportunities. For this they will get between €500 and €1500. Mighty stuff altogether.
This is all due to the “overwhelming demand” for the scholarships we’re told. Saves Club Energise a few shekels too in their sales force sans doubt as Del Boy might say!
Anyhow, IF you can do all this, then you will be deemed a suitable candidate my son!
