Feb 09

Facts to Prove Anything That’s even Remotely True!

Talking Balls Comments
Homer Simpson - John Morrison. Doh!
Homer Simpson - John Morrison. Doh!
For most of the great unwashed, and yes that’s you, the smelly hoors that loiter around on terraces and hang over the wire ‘supporting’ your team, gaelic football is a simple game.Yes, some big lad grabs houl of the ball out i lár na páirce and sets off karooming through a few late and maybe high tackles. After the obligatory solo he f***in lorries her in to the nippy wee corner forward/bustling full forward (delete as approrpriate) who proceeds to kick her wide/over the bar/into the goals (delete as appropriate). The keeper then restarts the game with a booming kickout that results in a fine example of high fielding or a breaking ball. Either way the craic starts when the ball comes back to earth, the bottom feeder takes a hand in affairs, gives it on to some other bollix and he lorries her in again to the inside men as before. Simple as that?

Not if your name is John Beefy Morrison. John of course is beating a trail up and down the road to lovely Leitrim along with his co accused Micky Moran. Him and Micky are single handedly driving up tourist visitor numbers to John McGahern’s lovely home county (you can just see the visitor figures for ‘repeat visits’ showing a sharp spike at the end of year presentation to the County Auditors “Leitrim – Ireland’s Tourism Success Story!”). Of course Beefy has to ensure that Coiste Chontae Liatroim get their full value so he takes every opportunity to blind them with science. Sez Beefy after their match against London:

“I looked at the stats in the first-half which showed we had 16 frees to six in favour of us plus we also had more possession in midfield against the wind and our scoring ratio was better in just 14 attacks.”

Just in case you’re wondering, Leitrim won the match. But as the great Homer Simpson memorably said: “Doh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.”

The lovely people of Leitrim are certainly getting their money’s worth here (not that we’re suggesting managers are paid or anything like that).

The question is whether Beefy is part of the lucky fourteen or not?