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Ahead of the Championship Babs Keating and Joe Kernan chair a seminar for managers on the success of the new rules. “It’s easy for them to blether, they don’t have any teams to manage,” one well known under pressure Bainisteoir from Down was heard to mutter. A record 900 yellow cards were issued during the national league. Armagh were reported to be replacing the sideline grass at the Athletic Grounds with artificial turf such was the traffic damage caused by the coming and going of players during matches.

The new GAA logo is causing a bit of a stir. Apparently it bears more than a striking similarity to an organisation in the United States called the Gay Activists Association. The problem only comes to light after the New York Rebel Yells Opening Championship tie is broadcast live on primetime, wall to wall, American TV, even bumping an inspirational speech by new Uachtaran Barack O’Bama. GAA head Bombardier Christy Cooney is unavailable for comment. A number of Rebel Yells players appear as the cover feature in a risque magazine called the Perfect Player’s Body (which for legal reasons we have been asked to report, has no association with the GPA).

Things are so bad with the recession and all, that a decision is made to play the Tyrone and Armagh Championship tie over the best of three games, all at Croker to generate som cash. The series is played out to a record breaking attendance and after three games, the sides are level. A further two matches fail to separate the Ulster giants. Ulster GAA take the unprecedented decision to jointly award the title, otherwise the Ulster Championship mightn’t get finished til’ October – a bit like the hurling a few years back. Croke Park promptly suspends all Ulster teams from the All Ireland series. Dublin appeal the decision to the DRA.

Meanwhile Croke Park’s Head of Games Pat Daly expresses his satisfaction that the new rules are proving so effective. The average number of goals scored in a championship game is now seven whilst record tallies of points have been recorded in a series of high scoring affairs. The average number of players now remaining on the field after seventy minutes of championship football is 23. Sources in Croke Park suggest a move towards making 13-a-side games the norm are welcomed by Armagh manager Peter McDonnell. “At least that way we would have thirteen men, not seven or eight which is the story at the minute.” An under eight match at a Cul Camp in Derry finishes ahead of regulation time when there is only one youngster left on the pitch after sustained pulling and dragging and two feigned injuries.

Nicky Brennan comments from his visit to Siberia sourcing sustainable Ash ‘This is the way to go with our games.”