Squareball, gaa shop, gaa gear, gaa tshirts, clothing, merchandise.

Following Crossmaglen’s shock defeat by fourteen points to Drom, manager Donal Murtagh reveals he was caught out by how mobile the Limerick men were. Sez Donal: “In Ulster club football, we’re used to big strong boys playing against us and trying to knock the shite out of us. Club football isn’t about the likes of Francie Bellew and and Tony McEntee running after wee light fellas. We played all the football when we could get the ball.” Back to the drawing board then in Cross. But first the club’s annual six month holiday from any meaningful matches. See you in October Lads.

Mickey Harte reveals that he is considering adding an eight year old from Errigal Ciaran to his squad. ‘It’s a good place to be from” sez Mickey. “If you’re young enough, you’re old enough, and he’s certainly good enough. So, we’re very happy with the place we’re in right now.” Meanwhile Tyrone field their newly formed Junior team formed from Division Three players for the floodlit game against Dublin. The game is postponed, following floodlight failure five minutes into the first half.

In the subsequent investigation Pilar Caffrey is commended by his superiors “For spotting and dealing with an imminent danger and taking the essential but extreme action of pulling the plug, without concern for his own safety and security.” The match will be replayed in Omagh. Tickets go on sale priced €150 each (two for €400) for a game marketed as “The Battle of Omagh – Bigger Handbags.”

Meanwhile New York GAA hold a glitzy Press Affair at the Waldorf Astoria to announce that unknown Cork émigré and media mogul Daniel Mór Cusack has assumed control of the Big Apple’s GAA affairs. To a packed ballroom he reveals that New York will be changing their colours to red and white hoops; will be known in future as the ‘New York Rebel Yells’ and will feature a number of yet to be announced ‘prominent GAA players’ who have relocated and transferred en masse. The glitzy do ends with the unveiling of Roy Keane as player manager supported by Mick McGurn and Seanie McGrath as the Rebel Yell’s management team. Sez Keane, “Tis great to be back in Cork, boy. C’mon ye rebels,”.

Nicky Brennan returns from a trade mission sourcing cheap sustainable ash in the Southern Alps. It is understood to be particularly pliable and suited to the rigours of the GAA. Seamus McCloy was unable to join the trip due to other commitments.