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The Kerrymen wake up and hammer the blue bejasus out of Waterford, Limerick, Clare and Cork in the new round robin Munster Football Championship. Tommy Walsh is at his explosive best replete with his new style sleeveless vest. Paul Galvin is arrested outside Fitzgerald Stadium for slapping the notebook out of a Traffic Warden’s hand as he writes him a ticket for illegal parking. Galvin subsequently misses the Munster Final in an unusual case of Deja Vu.

The whole matter is brought to a head when Aidan O’Mahony gets knocked over remonstrating with a representative of a car clamping company as he stops briefly to pick up a prescription at his local pharmacy. Obviously unaware of O’Mahony’s day job the clamper is whisked off to the clink for assaulting a police officer.

In Leinster Kilkenny record a facile victory against Offaly despite fielding with only eight players. Cody reveals he is resting the remainder of the squad for a forthcoming Top Cats match and shocks the hurling world by explaining that the Liam McCarthy is not the team’s main priority this season. “We’ll take another look at it next year when we’re going for the five in a row but sure should be handy enough won this year, although I hear this New York team are good.”

Cody reveals the team have been apperoached by multi billionaire Alan Stanford of £1 million cricket fame to play a one-off challenge match against the New York Rebel Yells. Winner to take all in the cash bonanza. Rebel Yell Keeper and GPA stalwart Donal Og Cusack will not be drawn on the proposed match stating that the GPA do not support Pay for Play. “Maybe if the money could be paid as mileage expenses, water, diet supplements, mobile phone bills – that might work…” he muses.

The Rebel Yells meanhsil continue to cut a dash on the field and off it – winning the Ulster Championship by beating Antrim easily enough despite the protests of John McSporran, Baker Bradley and Sambo McNaughton along the way. The Rebel Yells half back line is in great from despite the ‘curse of Christmas 08′. “I know we are in Leinster but these boys shouldn’t be in Ulster” complains McSporran bitterly.

New Derry football manager Damian Cassidy reveals that the new format Derry championship in which each team is guaranteed eight games isn’t helping the county team preparations for the Championship qualifier against Longford. “It’s over fifteen years since we won Sam. The slaggin’ I had to listen to in Tyrone last year was shockin’. Something needs to change.

RTE reports that Nicky Brennan’s Travel show has broken all records and announces that the soundtrack featuring Nickey crooning David Bowie’s Ashes to Ashes will be entered for a Grammy Award. Or maybe its an Emmy. Whatever. Is there no end to this man’s talent?