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Ulster railway Cup Manager Joe Kernan welcomes the news that the Interprovincial competition is to be played at half time in Manchester United’s Champions League Quarter Final saying ‘There’ll be a fair number of gaelic fans there. We’ve put the structures in place and we’re confident the fans will like it.” Meanwhile is it revealed that the Hurling variety will take place during Munster’s Heineken Cup match against Biarritz. Sez non-plussed Munster manager Justin McCarthy: “We are so fast we will just hurl round the rugby boys. Sure they’ll all be lying on the ground.” Either way, the GAA was nominated for a Marketing Innovation Award for the innovative way it has promoted both games.

News from Kildare suggest that Kieran McGeeney had his teeth cosmetically whitened. The story emerged on the back of reports that the players had seen Geezer smile for the first time in two years. In his drole, south Armagh accent Geezer told the expectant press corps, “No comment, but the Inches we need are all around us.”

New York Mogul Daniel Mór Cusack flies the GAA press corps back to New York for the third time in two weeks to reveal that the Continuity Cork Hurling squad from 2008 have – as speculated – transferred en masse to New York under an obscure and rarely used, and much less understood bye law written by Frank Murphy that allows players he has deemed surplus to requirements to go wherever the hell they like so long as they get te feck out of Cork, Boy. The team will wear gear sponsored by adidas. The hoops and the three stripes – a winning combination. Donal Og Cusack will also wear a striped team strip as goalie, although his stripes will be more intense than anyone else’s.

In Ulster the Donegal manager John Joe Doherty comes under pressure after two old ladies gatecrash a county board meeting and ask for his removal. It turns out Doherty drove over Sorcha Ni Gallachoir’s cat in Gaoth Dobhair and drove off without telling her. Sorcha (aged 93) and her sister Treasa (aged 97) expressed their outrage. “My mother lived through the famine and never had to put up with this she said (as gaeilge obviously). It’s bad enough them stag parties from across the border but this is not on. Besides, I thought that young man McIver was Donegal manager?” The Donegal Co Board schedule an emergency meeting to consider the matter. Charlie Mulgrew and Declan Bonnar are reported to be ‘interested’ should Doherty be forced to resign over the Cat controversy.

Nicky Brennan gets a job work for Lonely Planet following his retirement as An Uachtarain Cumann Luthchleas Gael. The first three episodes will concentrate on Long Haul Destinations; Planning Your Travel Arrangements; and Flying Budget the O’Leary way. It is understood that for the third episode he already had a holiday booked in Waikiki so Dessie Farrell has agreed to film that episode instead.