Squareball, gaa shop, gaa gear, gaa tshirts, clothing, merchandise.

Jaze, Armagh and Galway are going buck mad at the controversial news that they are unlikely to get playing their All Ireland Quarter Finals at Croker next weekend. Both Peter McDonnell and Liam Sammon have blasted the CCCC for their decision to remove the right of Provincial winners to play at Headquarters.

And, to add insult to injury, the Tribesmen and the Orchard Raiders are pure hopping at the thought that the Dubs will have the place all to themselves for their own qualifiers. CCC have confirmed that this weekend’s qualifiers are being played at Croker because next week’s matches aren’t – if that makes any sense.

The reason’s simple: Cork are likely to have a double header because of the ‘unique’ contribution they make to the GAA.

Meanwhile the sound of cash-registers a-ringing and credit card PINs a pinging was enough to send the great unwashed of Armagh and Galway to the sticks while the diehard Dubs pack Croker to the rafters to watch their fifty five minutes or so of Championship action before heading back to the Pub to finish their pints.

CCCC Chief Druid Jimmy Dunne confirmed: “That is exactly the situation. Some of the teams wouldn’t have played there before.”

Said Galway’s Liam Sammon: We want our game there and obviously Armagh feel the same. Why should the two of us be punished because of a tight fixture programme?”

Armagh boss Peter McDonnell added: “We would be deeply unhappy with being denied the opportunity to play our quarter-final in Croke Park. Playing in Croke Park symbolises achievement for players, especially at this time of year.”

Following the farcical goings-on around the fixing of the Crusty Ring Finale, no-one better than the GAA for shooting themselves in the foot, no wonder they stumble from one crisis to another.

Meanwhile iconic former Goalkeeper Benny Tierney is understood to have interrupted his jolly excursion to his GAA summer camp in Marbella to mobilise support for CRAP – the Croker Rights for Armagh People and is willing to chain himself to anything that will have him in protest. . .

The GPA has not made any comment on news that Martin Cullen, the Minister for Sport has made no promises that the controversial inter-county players’ grants will be available in 2009. Nor indeed for that matter have the One True Belief faction.

Many football and hurling panelists are rubbing their hands and looking forward to their cash windfall in the autumn for all those interminable nights of training, unwelcome dietary advice, psychobabble about inches, abstemiousness from alcohol and sex (ok maybe not). But, reading between the lines of the Minister’s statement, the Goldrush may soon be over. What then of the GPA’s very public campaign that wasn’t about pay for play but was reliant on a rich seam of public funds.

Says Minister Cullen: “There’s a commitment there. The money was provided this year. I didn’t cut back that money and it will be paid out. Obviously we’ll have to enter a process now with the Department of Finance and the Minister for Finance to look at all the budgetary issues for next year and I will consider everything in that context.”

He continued, ominously so for Dessie, Donal Óg and the lads: “I want to obviously not discuss this in a public sense. I want to have full discussions with the Department and see exactly where we’re going; see what the overall envelope is, the overall figures and then I’ve got to decide how best to allocate the resources.”

The Government has commited itself to paying out approximately €5 million this year via the grants scheme agreed with the GPA, the GAA and the Irish Sports Council.

Wherefore then for the GPA, if the seam runs dry? Need to uncircle the wagons and strike out for the next Klondyke, wherever that might be!

Breaking news today that Kerry’s fiery captain Paul Galvin has had his sentence cut in half.

Galvin, in case you haven’t heard was suspended for six months for producing a 7mm cannon from his football shorts and wastin’ half the spectators during Kerry’s qualifier against Clare.

To gasps from onlookers, he then proceeded to scale the outside of the main stand at Fitzgerald Stadium, tossing handgrenades as he went into the section of the main stand housing the main Munster Council officials along with groups of disadvantaged schoolchildren from impoverished regions of Cork, Connemara and Africa.

A clearly deranged Galvin then took referee Paddy Russell hostage in the Ref’s changing room, demanding amongst other things, that Kerry be allowed in future to compete in the Ulster Championship; €105 in used banknotes to buy a pair of Puma King boots instead of the pair Adidas gave him free; a year’s supply of Powerade and five minutes with the lads that verbally abused him with a loudhailer during the Hogan Cup Final.

Since the match Paul Galvin has been holed up somewhere in deepest Kerry and even his teammates haven’t seen sight nor sound of him or so they say.

That hasn’t stopped the radio phone-ins and newspaper letters pages being jammed with outraged fans – half demanding the head and God knows what else of Paul Galvin; the other half calling for perspective and a bit of common sense.

All the talk has been that if Kerry get to the All Ireland Final , will the maverick skipper be allowed to play. The answer to that now is ‘Yes’. Will he lift Sam if Kerry win? ‘Possibly’. Will he actually get back on the team after a summer kicking his heels? ‘Who knows, possibly not’.

Please note that any resemblence to persons living or dead or indeed actual events is purely coincidental and no animals or referees were harmed in the writing of this article. No, not by Paul Galvin, Talking Balls or any other oul bollix.

Carlow and Westmeath have completely pocced the toys out of the cot at the suggestion that they might play the Christy Ring Final in Croke Park this Friday evening. And to be honest, who can blame them? They’ve now to make do with a Sunday throw in at Tullamore Offaly. ANd they’re demanding a explanation at the highest level for the cock-up.

Carlow chairman Pat Deering said: “We felt we were being downgraded and insulted with the Friday fixture. Being asked to play on the Friday night of a Bank Holiday weekend meant the logistics were far too difficult.

“We have demanded an urgent meeting with the Director General and the President to explain the situation to us, how we have arrived at this situation and why we had to go cap in hand with Westmeath to sort it out among ourselves.”

Croke Park officials claim that both counties were offered the option to play the game as a curtain raiser to the Dublin footballers Champioship Quarter Final on Saturday week as part of a double header.

Right enough it was a bit fanciful of the Powers That Be to suggest this would guarantee a full house for the Christy Ring – the only full houses ahead of a Dublin championship are the likes of Mahers and Hill 16 pub as everyone not in Cloud Cuckoo land knows. Have they not noticed that from time to time a Dublin match doesn’t start on time? The CCCC apparently also offered the two counties 7.00pm next Saturday in Portlaoise. Talk about the graveyard shift or what.

Carlow and Westmeath insisted that they would not be playing on a bank holiday Friday in headquarters. So. Just over 48 hours ahead of a Championship match we didn’t know whether the Final will go ahead or not. Sure these things happen all the time in other premier competitions like the Champions League, the Five Nations and La Liga. The two counties also denied any knowledge of being offered alternate dates for the match.

Surely the CCCC should be in a position to give reasonable notice of when a match will take place or not. The master fixture list made provision for the Christy Ring Final – on 2/3 or 4 August. It’s not a surprise after all that there are two finalists lookin’ to play the game. The CCCC knew there were four football quarter finals and a hurling semi final to be played over the one weekend – five matches in Croke Park over two days? Thurles may be an option yet for the hurling.

To be sure, this shows that despite all the platitudes, the Liam McCarthy is the only show in town as far as hurling is concerned. An the rest of you can take your sticks, sliotars and helmets and feck off.

This weekend sees the 2008 Final of the Poc Fada competition at Annaverna Mountain, Ravensdale County Louth. Last year’s Poc Fada winner and Tipp goalkeeper Brendan Cummins, will be seeking to hang on to his title.

He will face stiff competition from the likes of Waterford manager and former winner Davy Fitzgerald, Adrian Power of Waterford Graham Clarke from Down, Shane O’Connor from Offaly.

No doubt Cummins and Davy Fitz will have a few words ahead of their All Ireland semi final date. You never know Davy Fitz might make use of his time to take Cummins out of it with an accidentally well-placed poc.

The competition also boast a native American participant – Dan McAuliffe, a member of the Milwaukee Hurling Club who takes part for the first time. He’s not native American in the bow and arrow sense, rather he’s US born and bred if you know what we mean.

Derry’s Ruairi Convery heads up the mountain for the first time, taking time out from chasin’ women up round Portstewart. Ruairi, a big poccer himself, will be whalin’ his way round the Co Louth course as if he were back home in Derry.

Speaking of whom, the Oak Leaf county board of course is in turmoil at the minute after the footballers dysfunctional championship performance and stories abounding in the Sunday papers of over rampant egos, player disharmony, odd behaviour by management and ultimately a failed summer.

Meanwhile the hurlers’ summer lasted longer than the footballers with their surprise qualification for the Christy Ring semi-final. Word has it that a cheer went up in the Derry hurling dressin room when the news of the footballers defeat to Monaghan in Clones came through. Sadly Co Chairman and hurling fanatic Seamus McCloy wasn’t there to witness it as he was up in Clones with the less successful senior football team.

Mean-the-while the Derry U-21s look odds on to retain their Ulster title following their second successive defeat of a fancied Antrim team. Well, sorry an Antrim team that fancied themselves rotten. As popular manager Brian McGilligan said there aren’t too many many fellas in Derry with back to back provincial medals at any level.

Just as well they didn’t burn their hurls. . .

KILKENNY’S Gala All-Ireland senior camogie championship hopes are hanging by a thread after they were well beaten by last year’s finalists Cork in Kilmanagh on Sunday. The National League champions went down by 5-11 to 0-7 against the rampant Rebelettes, who collected a fifth victory from six championship outings.

With one round of games remaining, the table is now delicately poised. Cork and Galway have booked their places in the semi-finals but there is now a three-way shootout for the remaining two slots. Tipperary and Wexford are locked together on six points, two ahead of Kilkenny, ahead of next weekend’s decisive round of fixtures.

Cork had Sunday’s tie against Kilkenny wrapped up by half-time after opening up a 3-5 to 0-3 lead. Síle Burns found the net after 16 minutes and the same player struck again four minutes later for the rampant Leesiders. Less than sixty seconds later, Briege Corkery bagged Cork’s third goal to establish a 3-3 to 0-1 lead and kill the game stone dead. Amanda O’Regan scored two late goals for Cork to add gloss to the scoreline on a day when Sinéad Millea top-scored for Kilkenny with three points. In contrast, Cork had 2-1 hauls from Burns and O’Regan, 1-1 from Corkery and five points from the lethal Rachel Moloney.

Meanwhile, battling champions Wexford ensured that they are still in with a real chance of making the semi-finals of the Gala senior championship after securing a dramatic 3-8 to 2-8 victory against Tipperary on Saturday. The Model County lost their opening two matches but three successive victories have been racked up in recent weeks, none more precious than this crucial victory at Semple Stadium.

Una Leacy was the heroine with a 2-2 haul and her second goal, the matchwinning strike, arrived almost three minutes into stoppage time, with the scores level at 2-8 apiece. Leacy got a flick to a booming delivery from halfway and the ball finished up in the back of the Town End net. Off the ball, Tipp corner forward Jill Horan clashed with Wexford wing back Aoife O’Connor and Horan was issued with a straight red card to compound the home side’s misery. Tipp held a 1-5 to 0-5 half-time advantage on a humid afternoon as Mairéad Morrissey prodded home the goal after ten minutes following an uncharacteristic error by Wexford goalkeeper Mags Darcy.

Wexford were right back on terms two minutes after half-time as Leacy supplied Ursula Jacob for Wexford’s first goal before Tipperary’s top scorer Claire Grogan, who bagged 1-5, scored her goal direct from a 20m free. With nine minutes left, Wexford had come on strong to lead by three points before Tipp hit back with scores from Allstars Philly Fogarty and Grogan (2) to level the game. A draw looked on the cards but Leacy had the final say with a deft flick and after Cork did them a real favour against Kilkenny, the Slaneysiders will guarantee a semi-final place with a victory in their final group match next weekend.

Galway assured themselves of a semi-final berth with a comfortable 3-10 to 0-6 victory against Dublin in Killimor on Saturday. Galway had scoring contributions from nine different players and first half goals from Deirdre Burke (19 minutes) and Brenda Kerins (25 minutes) helped to open up a 2-3 to 0-3 half-time advantage.

Dublin had a chance to claw their way back into the game with 13 minutes of normal time remaining but Ciara Lucey’s penalty was saved by Galway netminder Susan Earner. Two minutes later, substitute Molly Dunne sealed Galway’s victory with her side’s third goal after collecting Jessica Gill’s long delivery.

By Jackie Cahill

ULSTER teams Down and Armagh bounced back from their provincial championship defeats to record victories against Meath and Waterford respectively in the TG4 All-Ireland Ladies senior football qualifiers on Sunday.

Bryansford’s Natasha Ferris and Downpatrick player Kyla Trainor both scored 1-1 as Down defeated Meath 2-12 to 0-13 in the second of two games which took place at St Lomans Lake Point Park in Westmeath on Sunday evening. Ferris, a late inclusion on the Down team, scored the crucial first half goal for her side, who led by 1-6 to 0-6 at half-time.

After half-time, Meath showed huge character and made a real fight of it, recovering to lead by two points as the game reached boiling point. The pendulum swung back and forth in a tit-for-tat second half but Trainor scored the crucial goal in the last five minutes to secure a precious victory for the Mourne County. Orla Fegan, Michaela Downey, who scored two points, and wing back Sinéad Fegan were the Down lynchpins as they got their championship campaign back on track following the Ulster championship defeat against Tyrone. Elaine Duffy scored five points and Gráinne Nulty chipped in with four for Meath, who must now regroup for a relegation play-off.

Armagh, meanwhile, remain a formidable outfit and recovered from their Ulster championship exit against Donegal by recording a 1-11 to 0-8 victory over Waterford in the first of a double-header. The lethal Aileen Matthews led the way in the scoring stakes for the Orchard County with a 1-6 haul, with 1-3 on the board before half-time. Armagh raced into a 0-6 to 0-0 lead and Matthews’ goal just before half-time established a 1-6 to 0-2 interval lead. Alma O’Donnell and Shauna O’Hagan were also in good scoring form for Armagh as O’Donnell registered two points, with O’Hagan going one better. Michelle Ryan top-scored for Waterford with five points.

Armagh scorers: A Matthews 1-6, S O’Hagan 0-2, A O’Donnell 0-2.

Waterford scorers: M Ryan 0-3, E Power 0-2, G Kenneally 0-1.

Scorers for Down: N Ferris & K Trainor 1-1 each, L Morgan 0-3, M Downey, A Pyers & S Fagan 0-2 each, O Fagan 0-1.

Scorers for Meath: E Duffy 0-5, G Nulty 0-4, J Rispin, B Brennen, M Sheridan & L Keenan 0-1 each.

By Jackie Cahill

It is a make or break weekend in the Gala All-Ireland Senior Camogie Championship with several teams looking to join Cork in the semi final draw.

This weekend will give All-Ireland champions Wexford another opportunity to take a step closer to retaining their title, something which looked beyond their reach earlier in the season. After a poor performance in the National League, the Model County were prepared to put all their efforts into the defence of the O’Duffy Cup.

However after two games and two defeats Wexford were staring at an early exit from this year’s competition. Wexford manager Stellah Sinnott knew this was not the team who had defeated Cork in Croke Park last September.

“We were extremely disappointed about how the first couple of games went. The team was well prepared but we just went out there and we looked extremely flat. From number one to number fifteen and even the subs we brought on just looked like we didn’t know what we were at, we just looked flat overall. We had a few meetings about it after the loss to Galway to try and figure it out,” Sinnott said.

This left them facing a resurgent Kilkenny who had already won the National League in a must win game and their class showed in the end. “Coming out to play Kilkenny we knew we were in a dog fight and our backs were against the wall, all we could was come out fighting and hope to get the win. That victory against Kilkenny felt like a semi final, we had to win just to get another game at defending our All-Ireland.”

The change in form is something which Sinnott attributes, in part, to her forwards. “Our inside forward line in particular has been fantastic in the last few games, especially Katrina Parrock who has come on a lot this year though she is still young. Úna Leacy, Katrina and Ursula Jacob have been thriving in the past few games from good ball from midfield so hopefully that can continue at the weekend.”

This weekend Wexford take on Tipperary in Semple Stadium and Sinnott knows that every game is huge from here on in. “There are four teams going for three slots. Cork are in the semi final so, ourselves, Tipperary, Galway and Kilkenny and looking to fill the other three places in the semi finals. While everybody wants to avoid a playoff, it’s looking like that there is going to be one. Something like this is only good for camogie. If there has to be a playoff then we must be sure we have two more wins under our belt and we go into it full of confidence,” Sinnott said ahead of the game.

In the other games Dublin will need a win when they travel to Galway if they are to have any hope of making the semi finals. The Tribeswomen on the other know a win for them would secure a place in the last four. Cork, who are already qualified, will travel to take on League Champions Kilkenny. The hosts will need to take all two points from the game if they are to stay in contention for a semi final spot.

Fixtures

Saturday 26^th July

Tipperary v Wexford – Semple Stadium, Thurles – 2:00pm

Galway v Dublin – Killimor, Galway – 2:30pm

Sunday 27^th July

Kilkenny v Cork – Tom Ryall Park, Kilmanagh – 3:30pm

This week Resident Expert Ger Manas gives some respect to that much maligned but much needed member of the GAA family – the Club Umpire. Without him there’d be no matches, no craic and much less controversy. Sure and then where would we be?

Controversy blows up from time to time over umpires’ decisions. Sure the fellas that’s complaining don’t know what they’re talking about half the time. Anyone who’s worth their salt knows that a decent umpire can be worth two or three points a game.

Every Club needs one, the flag waving, card carrying man in the white coat. As well as signalling scores, he keeps time, offers specialist coaching for your inside forwards, and distracts the opposing ‘keeper by opining on the matters of the day, asked for or not. Nothin’ better than a good umpire that’s good at puttin’ a keeper off – especially when there’s a penalty or a high dropping ball or whatnot.

Some pitches ye go to there’s no umpires’ flags, in fact flags and the like would be the exception rather than the rule most places we play. Essentials for yer umpire are a decisive downward motion indicating a goal; a resolute finger pointing skywards – cúilín amháin; a raised outward palm signalling a 45 or a 65; and a brisk scissor motion of the arms across the chest – umpiring sign language for: The. Ball. Was. Wide. He rules on Squareball and off-the-ball-activity at club level, opinions ignored by the referee, proffered nonetheless as ye have to do.

I say he, but jaze I know of one outfit in the West where a big hefty doll stands in beside the goalposts. Unsuspecting opponents think because she’s a woman she can be effed out of it. But it is the other team’s supporters who usually come off the worst in sledging or or slabbering or whatever goes on. Extremely coorse language, and a menacing stare honed through years of goalkeeping for a junior camogie team in Limerick keep most of the bollixes away outta the road.

Our man – a solid individual and three times winner of Clubman of the Year – is called Risteard. He has this season been red-carded three times and five times assaulted – once seriously – in the course of his duties. He has dismantled four rows and one minor case of handbags as they call it, with a good punch in the jaw and a boot in the hole if required. A man after me own heart.

Risteard has a motto for life that he carries onto the field – whether football, hurling or camogie: ‘If in doubt, give it out.’ He used to work down the meat factory as a slaughterman and was a fullback who kept a tidy square himself. He’s as merciless with the 50/50 ball as he was with cattle and opposing full-forwards. His playing career ended after being jundeyed by an over-anxious cow facing the bolt, with damage done to his knee the likes of which will never be seen again.

As he tould me one night with a few jorums of John Jameson on board, when the referee in the sky consults him one last time, deep into stoppage time, on the final day, as one day he will for all of us, his mortal remains will go to their place of rest with a white coat folded on the box and a guard of honour. Of flags green and white, for a heart of gold.