Hope for wayward shooting - hitting wides an artform
Talking Balls
The forward who is unerringly unaccurate or the wing-back that bombs forward to shoot with gay abandon, never hitting the target, has always been the focus of derision from unforgiving fans.
“That bollix couldn’t hit a barn door with a bazooka. . .”, “It’s no wonder yer man has no children. . .” etc. Not anymore. The likes of the Fermanagh forwards who kicked so many wides on Sunday could be in for a windfall, and all from an unlikely source.
Yes, if you are a buckle-footed never-to-score tube - despair no-more. Super tennis player Martina Navratilova may have found you the answer. Renowned for her ability to score on and off the court, Czech-turned-Yank-turned-gay-turned-Czech-again Navratilova has come up with a new art form.
She’s been dipping balls in paint and hitting them at a canvas in a technique she calls tennising. She’s out selling the resulting paintings for thousands of dollars. With prices ranging from £1,500 to £126,000 for the largest pieces, Ms Navratilova, who retired from the professional circuit 18 months ago, is hoping to make tennising a second career.
“Just like when I first started playing tennis, I wasn’t thinking ‘I will make my life out of this’. I thought we’d just hit a couple of balls. But it takes on a life of its own. It should be a multimillion- dollar business in a couple of years. Not for me, but for Juraj.”
The idea came about after Mr Juraj Kralik became interested in recording tennis matches on canvas by looking at the marks left on clay courts by shoes and balls after a match.
Talking Balls is investigating the introduction of a new sort of ball-stop at venues such as Brewster Park, Casement and Parnell Park so that we can sell a true and accurate record of teams’ profligacy in front of goal. Now fans will be able to buy an actual visual record of their team’s wasteful shooting. Hey, we may even make up a few t-shirts and sell them.