Talking Balls Issue 41 - Well Informed Ignorance
Talking BallsThis week in Talking Balls we celebrate forty one editions and ask does anyone read this? If you like it let us know, if you don’t send a link to someone you don’t like.
We consider some of the hammerings handed out at the weekend - in some cases these are justified if it means Kilkenny get to play county football.
We reflect on the watery grave for matches that is Carrick on Shannon - speaking from bitter experience. More from Cork on their latest row - all sounds like Lanigan’s Ball now with one side stepping in to give their spake before stepping out again. We report on the transfer speculation surrounding Wicklow and the sectarian breakdown of the Fermanagh football squad. Are these things important?
All’s quiet on the Pay for Play debate. We are boycotting coverage of Tyrone’s performance against Kildare posing as Armagh - the best thing in Omagh on Saturday night was the vegetable soup. Armagh mug Cavan in the second half to steal victory and lightening struck again as Donegal play another last minute joker in Ballyshannon to beat the Kingdom. The impiest cheekiest joker of them all missed the match to go to the Superbowl. Yes, Gooch is off Coyote hunting - as if them coyotes couldn’t miss thon red hair but sure more anon.
If you haven’t made it out of the house to be ball froze at a league game, you should be ashamed of yourself. For everyone else, there’s always Talking Balls.
Louth Camogs Concede Fifty…
. . . But remain unbowed. Fair play to the Louth camogie team, one of the worst experiences you can have in sport is to take a bad beating. Louth experienced that misery on Sunday against Meath.
No doubt since then the girls have been at a low ebb. But as legendary American football coach Vince Lombardi said, ‘It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.’
The camogie association have expressed their concern to us that the reporting of this result will have a negative effect on the girls concerned and we appreciate that. Talking Balls is resolutely opposed to mismatches that leave one team thinking why bother – we have been there. That is not what sport is about and we don’t intend to add insult to injury. In our own coaching work we fail to see the point of hammerings and that applies at all levels in all sports. Winning isn’t everything and remember, playing is only part of it.
With the game effectively over at half time it would appear that the Meath management certainly didn’t tell their charges during the break to take their points. That’s regrettable.
So, we’ll look forward to following the progress of the Louth camogie team – win, lose or draw. They now have a small band of supporters in Squareball.
League Lights
Kilkenny’s return to the National league after a nine year absence was a whopping 4-22 to 1-5 defeat by Tipperary.
Kilkenny opted out before because they couldn’t hack the pressure anymore of getting well and truly hockeyed week in week out. Having said all of this, the scoreline would not have been out of place if the Cats hurlers played a few of the so called weaker teams so Talking Balls is hoping they stick at it. Eddie Brennan is the main dual star, hitting 0-5 in Sunday’s match.
Also in Division 4 Offaly gave London a bit of a timbering hitting 5-16 to 1-6 in reply from the exiles. Given the scale of the hammerings being handed out there could be some reasonably competitive matches at the bottom half of the table.
Carrick-on-Shannon - Dream Maker, Heart Breaker
Sunday’s national league opener between Leitrim and Fermanagh in MacDiarmuid Park in Carrick-on-Shannon was called off due to a waterlogged pitch a full twenty minutes before the scheduled throw-in.
Luckily enough Leitrim were only playing near neighbours Fermanagh and not a more far flung outfit. Twenty minutes notice would be a right pain in the balls if you had driven all the way from Limerick of Wexford. They might have a bright shiny new stand in Carrick-on-Shannon but obviously the pitch still ships a fair bit of rain.
Brings back fond memories of one of Talking Balls reporter’s trip to Carrick-on-Shannon to watch Tyrone play there in a championship qualifier in 2002. After driving down from Tyrone and booking into a respectable B&B where the Fear an Ti was convinced they wouldn’t be home late, the two lads headed off for a few pre-match beers and then on to the ground. Carrick-on-Shannon if you haven’t been there is one of those rustic county grounds that turns up in the pages of Sportsfile’s A Season of Sundays every year - usually there is a quaint picture of an oul fella with boneshaker of a bike and a county flag attached to the luggage rack, or some craggy oul bollix is peering out of the box office looking your eight euro admission. Anyway, this Saturday night there was little of the romance of the Season of Sunday. It was pissing rain and on entering the ground there were three groups of people on the pitch - the two teams going through their warm-up routines - the third group were a bunch of local firemen in full disaster response kit, big coats and helmets on scooping up buckets of water from the puddles forming on the pitch. With each bucketful they would amble to the sideline and pour out the rainwater. Which, no doubt streamed straight back to the place from whence it had been drawn. The two lads looked at each other - this didn’t look good. Eleven minutes into the match, by which time Leitrim had scored a goal and Tyrone had replied with, we think a point, the referee whistled the sodden affair to a standstill. Both teams were ushered off the field to meet again another day.
Our two intrepid rainwashed fans headed into the bright lights of Carrick after making the considered decision to stay and go on the beer. A venture into a newly opened Italian restaurant was an experience. When asked what the vegetables of the day were - the waitress, local, not Italian, who had just explained she had only started work that day - she hesitated before answering confidently: ‘Spuds I suppose…’. Ah yes.
After that our two Rough Guides headed up the street for a few pints before being alerted to the existence of the Moonriver, a sort of legal floating shebeen that plied its trade up and down the Shannon waterway, departing at about one in the morning. Immediately realising that this offered redemption for the aborted trip to the match, our two men got sufficiently lubricated so as to display their full sea legs and headed down to the departure point. Needless to say the Moonriver was a classic experience complete with all the refugees and desperadoes from the last chance saloons round the town. This was their shot at redemption or at least an oul messy tackle. Complete with fully functioning bar, boom-chick-a-boom musician in the corner and a motley crew of stranded Tyrone supporters who had had a few pints in Carrick and decided to stay, this was where it was at in Carrick. Certainly no sign of an Audrey Hepburn to brighten up the early hours but whatever. Eventually poured off the Moonriver at four-ish our two men headed back to the B&B - the one where the landlord was expecting them back early. Some banter and bollixing led to an argument with the taxi driver which was paid off with a twenty pounds tip. Sufffice to say the fear an ti was not happy.
So, if you’re going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair. If you’re going to Carrick on Shannon - be sure to take a trip on the Moonriver - functioning liver essential.
Cusack’s Stand
Donal Óg Cusack pitched up on Primetime on Thursday evening to explain the ongoing status of the tiresome Cork dispute. Looking fashionably unshaven and sporting a very nice looking scarf and crombie combo a la Roy Keane , Donal Óg explained at length the players’ stance.
For those of you who missed it, a deir se:
“The situation is as stated on November 12. The players have serious issues with the decision taken by the County Board late last year. The players made it clear that they wouldn’t recognise anybody who was put in place under this process and asked for nobody to be put in place to give this thing time to be sorted out.
“Trust is a fundamental part of playing sport and trust was fatally damaged that night when Teddy took over. A lot has been made that Teddy has been elected on a vote of 105 to maybe two or three votes but the reality is that there were no other candidates in position at that time, and a lot of candidates had ruled themselves out because they didn’t want to put their name in to the fray under the new structure.”
He added: ‘‘This is absolutely nothing to do with professionalism, this is absolutely nothing to do with money, this is all about Cork players wanting what’s best for themselves, wanting what’s best for their families and their counties.
“The players feel it’s tough enough to compete at this level without being blocked up by a system that hinders their performance on the field.”
‘‘The reason they’ve (the players) made this move is they have so much pride in the jersey and they want to see Cork winning.” “They (the players) want to be able to compete at the top of their game, and they feel the structure in place will seriously hinder their opportunities.
He added: “We want to play, we’re sportspeople, we’re not politicians but we see it encumbant for the success not alone of this team but future teams to reverse this season.”’
The situation now is that the Hurlers opening match against Kilkenny due next Sunday is in doubt and the footballers will have to the following Tuesday to state if they will field against Dublin. Meanwhile Meath manager Colm Coyle is playing hardball on the dates for rescheduling Saturday night’s match, citing the issue of player burnout as a reason not to play six matches in seven weeks.
Wicklow Transfer Outside January Window
It looks like Micko has recruited former Kerry underage player Dan Doona to the Wicklow cause.
Doona hit 1-6 against Wicklow for New York in the prestigious Owen Tracy Cup final pre Christmas in the Big Apple. He has now returned to Ireland and is expected to join up with Wicklow soon.
Unconfirmed reports also place Mick O’Dwyer’s car in Donnemana and Aughabrack last week - was he trying to persuade the now-retired Stephen O’Neill to make a shock comeback in the colours of the Garden county.
No Muslims in Fermanagh Hurling Panel
Fermanagh have announced their panel for the forthcoming national hurling league. It has been revealed that no Muslim or Jewish players will be lining out for the Erne-siders this season as they swap their paddles and oars for camans.
The panel is believed to comprise twenty nine Catholic players and one Protestant player - the latter being Darren Graham who sensationally walked off the pitch mid-match during the summer due to Sectarian abuse.
No other county would confirm or deny the sectarian make up of their panel.
College Versus County Row Rocks Red Hands
Tyrone minor manager and former Omagh CBS McRory Cup captain Raymond Munroe has sensationally quit his post with the Red Hands set up following a row with his alma mater and St Pat’s Academy in Dungannon.
The Brothers and the Academy have apparently withdrawn their McRory players from county duty due to their school commitments. Munroe and his backroom team have stepped down citing their inability to proceed with selection of a squad for the Ulster Minor League. Omagh are of course holders of the Hogan Cup. The County Board are standing by their man in a bid to end the dispute which is currently the subject of discussions with the Ulster Colleges Council.
Gooch MVP At SuperBowl XLII
Impish Kerry star Gooch Cooper was spotted amongst the throng at the United States most overhyped sporting event the other night in Arizona.
Reported to be headed Superbowl-side just in case there were ‘wardrobe’ malfunctions Janet Jackson style - ye can just imagine the shrug of the shoulders and glint-in-the-eye primary school snigger from the Gooch if it did happen - you don’t see that in the AIB in Killarney - Kerry’s finest pitched up at the University of Phoenix stadium.
Although New York Giants quarterback won the on field award for MVP there is no doubt the sharpest shooter in town was sitting in the stand on-looking.
Gooch is heading out to the west coast chilling out for a while. Meantime he’s in Arizona, we can just see him with Stetson, chaps, low slung pistol holster, the skin bright pink with the farmer’s suntan and the freckles like an archipelago across the nose - the Milky Bar kid does desert.
We hope he meets a nice southern gal with plenty of attributes and decides to spend a long while down on the farm. That way some of the rest of us might get a shot at the All Ireland this year. Otherwise, I’d say the Gooch will be home, faster on the draw and meaner than ever.
Splinters Biggest at the Arse End of the Squad
This week amidst all the recent furore about the size of county squads resident expert Ger Manas considers the unhappy or happy lot of the inter-county permanent benchwarmer. Not so much splinters in the ass as board out of their buttocks.
I went along to see a couple of the inter-county games there over the weekend, I was asked in to help one or two of the managers out with a few oul bits and pieces I’d be good at. I was lookin’ round the dressin’ room an’ I got to thinkin’ that some of those lads have as much chance of getting’ serious game time on the field as I have of bein’ elected next pope and that’s the fact.
Ye’ll have often heard it said that the county squad aren’t the best thirty footballers in the county, but they’re the best squad. Up til’ about twenty one or twenty two at best will be handy enough men to have if ye need them in a match but the rest are lads that just won’t feature. How they react is a good judge of what sort of fellas they are. Ye get the lad who is maybe good but young and he doesn’t want to be wastin’ time livin’ like a monk wearin’ out a set of thermals travelin’ the length and breadth of Ireland to sit on his hole. He might be toul to fill up the oul water bottle or maybe he shoots in at the keeper in the warm up. But he’s not happy - he wants to be playin’ matches and if that means playin’ matches with the club that’s what he’ll be at. Fellas round county teams may not realize but what lads want to be at, most of the time is playin’ games.
The squad man that’s not gonna get on - there’s a few ways the penny can drop. He can be sittin’ there watchin’ a game - maybe there’s an injury or two and the man that’s playin’ in his position at wing back is havin’ a stinker and he’s thinkin’ to hisself here we go. What happens? The manager, who always knows best, tells one of the forwards to get stretched and warmed up. Jaze our fella thinks to himself he’s takin’ off the wrong man - the forwards is doin’ grand, yer man’s cak. Next thing the wee mini noticeboard yoke with the red lights goes up 17 flashes and so does five. The number twelve’s shifted back from half forward to wing back. What’s the message there? Well ye all know it - I’d be better bringin’ a forward back than puttin’ on one of these bollixes on the sideline. We’ve seen it done time and again - Mickey Harte has started Tyrone again’ Mayo in 2004 with Ciaran Gourley listed as a half forward. Why? Even in camogie - Derry did it this year when they won the All Ireland junior - they took off a defender, brought back a forward and brought on another forward as a sub. What does that do for the player’s confidence? Shite all. The squad man then - what does he do. Maybe he’s a thick sort of chap and doesn’t realize that he’s been told indirectly that he’s not up to the job in front of a few thousand supporters. Yes, maybe he’s a grand man to rattle out a tune on the oul guitar on the way home, or a good man on the stats, or maybe a good lad to have about the place. But he’s bein’ toul in a straight enough was that county football or hurlin’ or whatever isn’t for him.
What does that mean then? Well the squad can’t function without these sorts of boys so ye have to hope that enough of them’s happy sittin’ on their holes makin’ up the numbers. Maybe they’re gettin’ their fair share of tacklin in the oul night clubs and dances in lieu of playin - jaze the oul county gear’s a fierce attraction for the shirt tugger. Maybe they’re improvin’ as a player by doin’ the work at a higher standard. Maybe they can’t face goin’ home to tell the looper of a da that they want to jack it in because they’re a bit player and other than a pre-season game playin’ for the county means trainin’ yer ass off, bein toul to ate tasteless shite and drink water like your tryin’ to lower the Ark. Their time isn’t their own - trainin’ two or three times a week, matches, weights, team meetings travelin’ there and back, makin’ up time at work. And they think this chat about €2000 or whatever the f**k it is is any payment for that. It is in me shite.
Supporters get surprise then when they hear this man or that fella has pulled out of the county squad. Let me tell ye it is no surprise. These fellas go back to the club and half the panel is gloatin thinkin’ they’ve failed and they’re down a peg or two. The rest don’t understand why they could stick it in the first place.
My golden rule is - if ye don’t enjoy it, don’t do it. Once things become a pain in the hole, or ye dread goin’ out the door to trainin’ or ye find yerself takin’ the frustration out on the players - then it’s time to do yerself a favour and get out of there. The boys will thank ye for it, the wife might ‘ceptin’ ye might be about the house too much for her likin’ and ye’ll find that within a short while the enjoyment will be back.
Meanwhile down on the bench, the smart squad man will wait a while, quietly make his point and hit the road. For the boy behind him in the queue, that might be a chink in the tunnel but I wouldn’t get carried away because for these fellas they need to understand - they won’t get playin’ period. They’ll end the season havin played about 30 minutes county football in a pre season Mickey McKenna Cup, they’ll miss a ball of club games and will probably be shite when they actually get playin. They’ll be great a runnin’ drills, playin’ the guitar, drinkin’ water and the like. If you’re on a squad let me tell ye fella’s look out for the arse end of the squad because that’s where the splinters are the biggest.
February 5th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
just wanted to let you all know taking balls well informed ingnorance……..is great i read it evry time i get it and i love the light humour thats goes with it…….keep it up your doing a great job