Talking Balls Issue 22 - Well Informed Ignorance
Talking BallsThis week in Talking Balls we reflect on some of the fall-out from the All Ireland hurling Final. Ger Loughnane just stopped short of bursting into the Sunday Game studio to slag Kilkenny - was he likely to turn up at the Kilkenny team hotel? We wouldn’t put it past him and neither would Brian Cody who called him a lunatic!
This weekend the camogs are in action in Croker as is Joe Canning. Boys he played some stuff in the semi v Cork so it will provide a distraction between the camogs. Good luck to all the girls on the biggest day of their lives, especially the girls in white. You know who you are!
Ger looks at God knows what, we dunno what he’s on or where he’s at but it’s worth a listen as usual.
Henry Shefflin delivered a stunning oration from the steps of the Hogan sharing the presentation of the Liam McCarthy with young Darragh McGarry in a gesture that left hardly a dry eye in the house. Yep, Hogan Stand on All Ireland day - a dream of youngster everywhere no doubt - including we would surmise Patrick Breen, the young Tyrone footballer who died tragically at training this week. He and his family are in our thoughts.
If you’re club is playing this weekend- go watch them. For everyone else, there’s always Talking Balls.
GAA in its Proper Light
Henry Shefflin brought a tear to many’s an eye on Sunday when he shared his moment of glory on the steps of the Hogan Stand with Darragh McGarry, son of veteran keeper James’ late wife Vanessa who died in a car accident earlier in the summer. Moments like this demonstrate what the GAA is about.
What Makes Ger LoUghNAne TICk?
Brian Cody has described former college teammate as “a lunatic from Clare talking rubbish at the moment. Showing a surprising amount of concern for the deranged one Cody says he thinks Loughnane will say anything to attract publicity.
Loughnane had attacked Kilkenny’s aggressive style of play before Galway played the Cats in the All-Ireland quarter-final allegedly repeated his words on radio last Saturday. Loughnane apparently thinks that Kilkenny have a grá for flicking their hurls across opponents.
Cody is having none of it: “I know Ger very, very well, obviously, and it’s sad to see him descend to that level. Inferiority is what I believe it is, a serious sense of inferiority to descend to that silly talk. We are a good team. He is suggesting that we are a dirty team and that’s wrong.”
Traditionally of course, lunacy was associated with changes brought about by the phases of the moon - so we’ll just put it down to Ger’s time of the month shall we?
Intoxicating Vintage not Sour Grapes
Colourful Limerick manager claims the Cats live ‘on the edge’ on the back of Sunday’s defeat. Richie says however that his comments aren’t sour grapes and that the better team deserved to win. As the saying goes nice guys win nothing and it would be naïve in the extreme to suggest that Kilkenny are the team they are without being able to take and dish out the tough stuff.
“We weren’t surprised by the intensity of Kilkenny in the first 10 minutes. We had prepared the lads for that. We know the road Kilkenny have taken for the past two or three years. They’re a borderline team, and I stress that – a borderline team. I admire them for that, I aspire to that.
“I would hope to get Limerick hurling to that level of intensity and physicality. But definitely, Kilkenny are living on the edge. Sephen Lucey got six stitches in his face from a jab with the handle of the hurley early on in the game and young Seamus Hickey has bruised ribs from another jab of a hurley. Little things like that went unseen and unpunished by the referee.
“While all that was going on then, Brian Geary got a yellow card, for what? A belt of a shoulder? And that affected his play afterwards, he couldn’t be as aggressive. Mark Foley had a free awarded against him for pulling on the ball on the ground for the first Kilkenny point which was a harsh decision.
‘And this is not sour grapes — Kilkenny were by far the better team in Croke Park, there is no doubt whatever about that.”
Bennis believes that teams must copy Kilkenny — if they are to beat them.
Let’s remember what they say about Kilkenny hurling and the venerable Michael O Muircheartaigh repeated at the weekend. At their training games, Cody blows the whistle and throws in the ball and that’s it until the game’s over.
But remember too what Cork said about the Cats in 2003 – they complained about the head high tackles. The next year they trained with tackle bags to prepare themselves for the onslaught and came through victorious.
Certainly where Talking Balls was seated on Sunday Seamus Hickey seemed to get a couple of rude introductions to an All Ireland Final and we’re not talking about the goal that Eddie Brennan filleted him for.
Derry Captain Wins Reserve Championship Medal and Keeps a Straight Face
News has reached Talking Balls that Derry captain Kevin McGuckin has added to his impressive medal tally by winning another Derry championship medal, beating old rivals Bellaghy in the process. Yes, that’s right folks, highly regarded defender McGuckin who was part of the Ballinderry team that won the All Ireland Club Championship back in 2002 and captained Derry in their All Ireland quarter final joust with Dublin, this season played for Ballinderry in their successful bid to claim the Derry senior reserve championship.
Well done Kevin, you’re some boy and Ballinderry’s some team.
Due to the tortuous nature of the Derry football championship which was transformed into a Champions League style affair by the all Derry County Board, with two games played before the end of June and the next round of matches played, er, last weekend, the CCC in Derry decreed that any player that hadn’t played in the first two rounds of the league part of the Championship was eligible for the Reserve Championship. Ballinderry duly must have seen a windey of opportunity sur. Kevin McGuckin then could land himself a unique double – a senior and reserve championship medal in the same season. A treble or quadruple even if the loughshore men can land Ulster and All Ireland honours again. Hardly what reserve football’s for but I’ll tell ye, that loughshore is some place.
Bitchin’ Session Mars Semi Final
True to our word Talking Balls sat down to watch the All Ireland football semi final featuring Mayo and Tyrone. Now in the gentlemen’s game one of the stories of the summer has been the sledging and bitchin’ being dished out after scores and missed scores. All the usual ‘never miss when I’m shootin’ with yer sister,’ shite that is roared in fella’s faces – ye know the stuff we’re talking about.
Well, it was disappointing to say the least to see the ladies game display similar traits on Saturday evening. After the skilful and seemingly likeable Cora Staunton had her penalty saved by Tyrone keeper Elaine Mallaghan, she banged in the rebound and followed up with a volley of verbals. Talking Balls can only guess what ladies would say to one another in this situation – ‘the lads told me you couldn’t deal with greasy balls’ or ‘every time we did it yer da threw me a bun’, but whatever the spake was, the boul Elaine was having none of it. To our delight she assaulted Cora in the nether regions and got ten minutes in the sin bin for her trouble. Only problem was, Cora got off scot free. I suppose if this is a new phenomenon the ‘ladies’ may not have steps yet to deal with it, but if it were me I’d have roaded both them and told them to sort it out at the back of the stand. Interestingly if it was the men’s game Cora may also have landed in hot water.
Cora went on to get Player of the match or should that be Lady of the match. Certainly it wasn’t very lady like and left a bad taste in the mouth…
Championship Chipitos
Those chaps at Hogan Stand are good craic. Talking Balls has noted that the camogie section of the excellent Hogan Stand website is sponsored by Olhausen Pork Products. The camogs are wile ones for the pork right enough. Olhausen are just the lads, offering the ladies delights including New Polish Sausage and the Perfect Pork.
Talking Balls link: www.olhausens.ie
Clarke Aiming for Victory Dais as Dyas Head South
As former Armagh minor, Poly Sigerson player and Abbey CBS Hogan winner Kevin Dyas becomes the latest to plight his troth to the Aussies, former Down prodigy Martin Clarke has his sights set on the big prize.
Says Clarke: ‘Everything has gone well this year but I have got a lot to learn. It would be incredible to win the Premiership in my first year at Collinwood, but we have to win in a massive game against Sydney on Saturday first. We have beaten them twice this year, but it’s going to be a very close game.
‘It’s nice that some of my coaches have commented on how well I have played this year, and maybe the way that Aussie Rules has become more of a running game has made the transition from Gaelic football easier, but I just want to keep improving.’
Tyrone boss, Mickey Harte has again rusticated the whole concept of the link with the Australians but the attacks have washed off the Aussies.
‘Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb mate,’ commented one antipodean.
Real Men Play Hurlin – Leave Soccer to the Wooftas
Henry Shefflin knew there was something wrong with his knee when he heard something snap after a fair but intense tussle with Peter Lawlor.
Sources in the Cat’s camp say he was keen to go out and play the second half of the game despite the obvious problem with his knee. There’s something about hurlers – Brian Lohan famously played on with a hamstring torn early in an All Ireland Final and there are stories of players playing with broken arms.
Compare that with soccer hard man Gareth Edds who plays for English side MK Dons. “I heard a snap, I heard a snap!” he screamed rolling around in agony last week. It was only when another player told him it was his shinpad that broke that he got back on his feet. Is horse’s ass a suitably insulting term for this fella or do we need something worse?
GPA To Strike?
Dessie Farrell has warned that the GPA may consider strike action if their dispute with the Government over possible grants to players is not resolved to their satisfaction. He recently met with Taoiseach and occasional GAA fan Bertie Ahern to press the merits of their case.
Talking Balls has a lot of sympathy with the players. The PTB revealed that the sponsorship arrangements with the bank of Ireland and Guinness were coming to the end of their lifespan to be replaced with ‘Champions League’ style partnerships – thereby doubling the potential revenues in the process. We again have had a bumper summer – particularly from the hurling perspective in terms of attendances, quality matches and TV coverage. There have been a number of triple headers in Croke Park generating tremendous income. In parallel we have heard that the PTB have appointed an English hotshot media advisor to help maximise the TV revenues – a move that has led the Ulster Council to push for the rights to remain with terrestrial broadcaster – they don’t want to see some ET outfit cycling off with the rights and are concerned about games promotion to youngsters and rightly so.
One well placed GPA advisor told Talking Balls about three years ago that they were prepared to strike. Meanwhile it occurs to Talking Balls that maybe the GPA have missed the boat for a strike – surely the time was slap bang in the middle of the summer when the media coverage was at its height and sponsors were maximising their appeal.
His Ma’s From Tonga, His Da’s Not From Fermanagh and His Bookie is Paddy Power
From the world of foreign games, Talking Balls is intrigued to learn that Tongan rugby union star Epi Tione – his ma’s from Tonga but his da’s not from Fermanagh – has changed his name by deed poll to Paddy Power for the duration of the Rugby World Cup. The guerilla marketing wheeze is the brainchild of the Paddy Power bookmaking chain – famed for their innovative promotional stunts. And the GAA thought that Paul Codd and Sean Óg were pushing the envelope when they had Paddy Power stamped on their hurleys.
One of the elephants in the room inhabited by the Rugger boys is the way in which the Aussie and New Zealand unions asset strip the pacific nations of their best rugby players in much the same way as Cork strip them of their best hurlers. In return the Pacific nations get zero in terms of full international matches against the big two. Prior to changing his name Paddy Power was previously better known for biting Denis Leamy’s ear when playing for Sale against Munster in the Heineken Cup – he subsequently received an 18 week ban. Had he been a gaelic and athletic player, Fergal Logan would have got him off at the DRA citing an obscure but highly relevant legal precedent arguing that chewed ear as a national delicacy in Tonga. Paddy Power has Paddy Power at 7-1 to score a try against England – Talking Balls will be having some of that.
The bookmaker funded the cash-strapped Tonga team’s preparations for the World Cup tournament, the planet-rugby.com website reported. Paddy Power is unique amongst the rugby fraternity in that he can play centre, wing or No 8. He now plies his trade in Japan.
His namesake, the Continuity Paddy Power entered into the spirit of things by saying: “I was never good enough to play rugby in a World Cup and figured this was as close as I was going to get,” he said.
Talking Balls can further reveal that Cork Manager Billy Morgan has agreed to go by the name of Talking Balls for the duration of the Bank of Ireland Football Final following our payment of a sizeable amount into his account to be used for any fines the great man attracts during the match.
A Carton of Worms
Dublin U-21 hurling star Peadar Carton is showing the same sort of footwork round the disciplinary process as he does round the hurling pitch. At the minute his on-off suspension is off following a successful appeal to Central Appeals Committee – potentially leaving him free to play in Sunday’s decider at Croker.
If you have missed this, Peadar’s wild pull in the hurling qualifier round left Tipperary defender Paul Curran with a broken jaw, a sore neck and missing some teeth. He was booked at the time and subsequently suspended for eight weeks for an action described by Babs as the ugliest he had ever seen in hurling.
Procedural issues won’t fix a man’s jaw or re-insert his teeth but the can certainly leave a seriously bad odour round the palce. Can we say it again. Sort this out lads. So much for Nickey Brennan’s appeal that players should respect the rules and takes the punishment meted out.
If the Suit Fits, Wear it
This week Ger took time out from his busy schedule to attend a number of functions including the prestigious Irish News All Stars. Still numbed by Marty Morrissey’s life story that failed to mention his legendary question to Francie Barrett the boxer’s ma, Ger reflects on a great night for Ulster football.
I used to hate goin to oul black tie dos. I think it was the thought of rentin’ trousers that some other bollix was in before me – I always thought they smelled or something – especially the warmer the evening the worse it got. Might been just my imagination. In the last few years I always felt that the mark of a true gael was the man that owned his own monkey suit. It meant he had been to a few awards ceremonies or was prepared to have a dacent oul night out. Eventually I got meself a set of formal gear and every time I throw it on it’s like another oul badge on the shirt. Means I get to wash me own trousers and know any smell’s me own. A man likes that.
I was very honoured to be invited down to the Irish News do – Ulster football sickens my shite at times – them hoors hate each other and its hard to get a bit of praise out of one man for another from a different county so when a couple of fellas asked me to go I wasn’t sure. I thought maybe they might have been lookin me to speak but sure I’m shite at that sort of thing so I was fair and relieved when I heard thon boy Marty Morrissey was going to do it. Now that fella, no harm to him but I never got over the night he interviewed that travellin’ boxin lad Francie Barrett’s ma. Sez I to Mrs Ger thon bollix isn’t right in the head. He pipes up the other night ‘this is only the second time I was asked to do this.’ That’s when the alarm bells rang – I thought oh my jaze here we go. Poor oul Marty he rabbits on and on about God knows what. All the time that big fat hoor Benny Tierney sitting there – if there was a sub for a dinner speaker the notice board would have gone up.
Some of them boys is fierce funny and drole and they don’t even know it. That big long string of piss Enda Muldoon. Sez Tierney to him ‘one yer day Derry can beat anyone,’ sez the Ballinderry man, ‘Aye one our day we can beat anyone but anyone can beat us too.’ The place was coming down with boys that know nathin about football – as well as that Adrian Logan, Jerome Quinn, as well as big Joe Kernan, Mickey Harte and Seamus McEneaney. There was some quare lookin yojes there too, I saw one or two of the young lads on the look out for an oul wardrobe malfunction as Jesse Jackson called it. That fella Donal O’Neill from the GPA was there too and the next thing the hoor wins the free Irish News shirt in the draw. I had me eye on her too for the nephew but sure twasn’t to be.
Nickey Brennan was there and he slagged the bejasus out of the media includin’ I’m sure this oul Talking Balls but to be honest I couldn’t hear him that well. As for the them Monaghan boys – they’d a needed subtitles or a f***in translator – that Tierney – he’d ask a question and next them Freeman boys boys would be blethering: ‘doot too me…… dat team……. Dem boys……………. Dat belief……………..banty…….empty the tank……………dat’s grate………seem dem boy’is……dat match……..d’ye know…..empty de tank…….empty de tank…..de next day………….Banty…………empty de tank.’
This Sunday I’m headin to Croker to watch the camogie. At this stage of the season I have to say I’ve near had enough. Last Sunday, and no matter what Limerick say this is true, the Cats cleaned them boys out big time. A Limerick fella I know was flat out telling me that Limerick had outscored Kilkenny over sixty minutes. Sez I tis a pity the game’s played over seventy. Ye got the impression that Kilkenny could have driven her on again any time they wanted. I felt sorry for that young lad Hickey – not the Kilkenny fella – he whaled the Limerick man just as he got injured and that’s why he got the card as far as I could see – but young Seamus. Eddie Brennan was like my grandson – he’s always guilty but never gets caught. He left Hickey bating the ground with the stick whatever he was at and I saw me oul mate Richie out telling Hickey to focus. Kilkenny never got where they are by fancy-dan-ing round the show. Their hardy tough oul bastards and as Bennis says, teams need to be like that if they’s playin’ the Cats otherwise they’ll get bate. I’d be as tough an oul hoor as the next man but to see Shefflin lift McGarry’s young lad up to lift the Cup – well I nerver saw the likes.
Anyway, I said this week I’m going to watch the camogs and I have to say I like the look of that Derry team. When I was a young fella I courted an oul yoke from Derry and she was the greatest oul court ye ever had. Every time I see them wans in their white and red they look like angels and hey remind me of that wan – wonder whatever happened to her. I’m coming round to them skort yokes – a man likes things the way they was and shorts is short and skorts is skorts. I heard someone talk about Irish womanhood – well that women’s football is bad enough without a big pair of pink legs sticking out of the end of a pair of shorts and them blotchy and sick lukin like a big wobbly jellyfish. Now yer camog, she wears that fake sunburn stuff - so the grandson tells me - and it means the oul legs is nice and brown rather than looking like strawberry jelly and raspberry ripple ice cream mixed. Plus there’s something graceful about throwin up yer balls and pullin’ with the oul stick. I toul come of them girls to do the basics – there’s no point doing the Hollywood things and then making a balls of it. Do the simple things and if ye are good enough Hollywood will notice. Some will listen to ye and most won’t but sure if it makes one a better player it’s worked. Anyway, good luck to Derry and Clare and Cork and Wexford.
The other man I want to see is that Joe Canning. He looked like he’d turned into a fat oul bollix when the Fitzgibbon Cup was on and I thought Loughnane had his decision made for him. That was until I watched that U-21 semi final. Canning was unreal – he put a sideline ball from his own half wide. Any man can shoot that far.. well I dunno. He set up two goals and scored a couple of great points. If that eejit Loughnane can get young Joe with him next year should be good craic but in the meantime, I’d say he’ll give the Dubs plenty of what they need.